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“I know.” The distress I feel tightens my throat.
“Do you want to tell us what happened?”
My dad and Diana join Kourtney and I on the long sofa, and surrounded by my good friend and loving family, I tell them how lonely I’ve been and how I’ve been feeling for the last year.
They let me talk as I get everything out in the open, assuring me they will support me no matter what.
And I know I’ll be okay.
I always am.
But it doesn’t feel like that right now.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Lily
I didn’t want to come into work today.
Since the day I opened my business over fifteen years ago, there hasn’t been a day I have not wanted to create a mood board for an upcoming wedding or reply to client emails.
I feel so uninspired.
How can I organize a wedding when my own marriage has fallen apart?
I’m a fraud.
I should go home.
But if I do, my team will definitely know something is wrong and I don’t want to draw attention to myself.
If the press catches wind of our separation, all hell will break loose and the last thing Ash needs is more stress in his life. I’m hoping we can keep our marital status to ourselves until we sort us out. Honestly, I’m not even sure if there is anything left of us to fix.
The tabloids were extremely unkind to Buster when his fiancée called their wedding off three days before, blaming it all on him. The truth was, Claire, his future wife, was cheating on him with his brother, but tabloids don’t care about the truth.
Brutal.
It was heartbreaking to watch that unfold.
While Buster carried on like a true champion, I don’t know if I could personally deal with that level of judgment. On the surface, it looked like Buster took it all in his stride, but I know, after spending a couple of nights with Ash and him, he was hurting. Staying with us for a week while he looked for a new apartment and to keep him company, he let us see a different side of him. He’s a great guy and someone I always thought would be perfect for Gemma. I’m positive something happened between them back when Ash and I first started dating, but neither of them ever mentioned it, so maybe I imagined it.
I fill my cheeks with air and blow out a long sigh, admiring the scripted gold lettered logo I designed that’s debossed on the wall on the far side of the office, Tiger Lily Events.
Ironic, given the fact I organize events for everyone else while my own life is uneventful.
Reading the pet name, Ash gave me tugs at my heartstrings and I can’t bring myself to look at it for any longer than a few seconds.
I rest my neck on the back of my office chair, then spin it around to look out of the window overlooking the park opposite my office.
It’s a glorious day. The winter sun beaming through the trees, casting shadows over the fresh snow that fell overnight. I take a moment to gaze down at the people in the park, using it as a shortcut, trying to get out of the biting cold to get to their destination quicker.
In the summer, the park is usually filled with moms out running with their strollers, which I know for a fact I would never do, but I admire their enthusiasm.
It’s also the place Ash would turn up unannounced and call me down to spend my lunchtime. When we first got married, it was where we spent hours enjoying the picnics he’d prepared for us on the grass. We’d laugh, talk about everything and nothing, and kiss each other without a care in the world. Young love. There is no better feeling. Everything was new, exciting, and felt like an adventure.
Now everything feels lackluster. We lost our shine, getting lost in the humdrum of life.
It's been four days since I left Ash.
