Page 16 of My Hope


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“I don’t know.”

He sat down on the edge, leaning over, his arms on either side of me, trapping me in. It felt like he was trying to intimidate me. “Anna look at me. If you have a question for me, ask it.”

We sat in silence. I didn’t know whether I should push the subject or not. I had hopelessly fallen for this guy. But the questions I had about his job…the possible answers scared me. I didn’t want to ruin this perfect night. I also hated confrontation. I didn’t like the cold edge to his voice. The walls that I worked hard to bring down were back up, I could feel his muscles rigid and unmoving. This was an obvious intimidation tactic and it pissed me off and gave me the push to just go for it. I leaned back up and looked him dead in the eye. Time to put my brave face on.

“There are guns in your house. And the man I saw at the restaurant, he didn’t exactly look safe. Are you a part of the mob or something?”

“Anna, it’s not that simple.”

“Wilder. It is to me. I’m an honest person. I live my life full of emotion and sometimes I can’t control them. I’ve fallen for you. I know it hasn’t been long. And it sounds crazy. I care about you so much. But I’m also scared of what you might tell me. I just don’t want to get hurt.” Emotion flashed across his gaze like he was going to reach out to me. Just for a second. I saw it and then it was gone. Too fast for me to identify it.

16

Chapter 16

WILDER

I guess I didn’t get the luxury of waiting until after I met with Matthew to make a decision about Anna. She pushed for more now and I couldn’t hold her off. Not without lying to her, and I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want to lose her. When I’m at work I didn’t have the luxury of emotions or being open with someone. With Anna, I felt normal.

How do I explain to her what I do? What parts do I tell her so that she understands me and my life but how do I do that and keep her from running in the opposite direction?

“You’re asking questions about my life that I can’t completely answer, not because I don’t want to, but because I feel the need to protect you. You’ve heard the rumors about my family. Some of our business dealings are, perhaps, not completely above board. You’ll never know everything I do. But if you want to know more, I need to know if you truly want to continue to be a part of my life.”

I could see the wheels turning in her mind.

“Can I ask you some more questions before I decide?”

“Yes. But I may not answer them.”

“Is your family part of the mob?”

“My family has many business ventures. Some, like I said, are not completely legal. When I say the family I am referring to my father, my brother, and I along with others who are loyal to our name.”

“Have you killed anyone?” she whispered.

I won’t lie to her; I would hide things but never lie. “I won’t answer that Anna.” Shocked, she looked up. By not answering the question, I had answered it for her.

ANNA

“I’m going to go home, I think.” I could hardly look at him. He admitted to killing people. And he didn’t dissuade me from thinking he was in the mob, he all but confirmed it. I didn’t even know what that would all entail, but it wouldn’t be good.

Wilder reached for my hand. And for a moment I saw the vulnerable side to him. The side that had kept me around and waiting for more.

“Wilder. I don’t know what to think right now. I need a bit to process it. I’ve been naive in thinking that you would tell me that all my fears were baseless. I thought if I ignored the red flags then it wouldn’t matter. But it does.” I tried to hold back the tears threatening to spill over. “I love you but this is too much.”

Wilder’s walls slammed back down. Without saying a word, he got up and walked out of the room. Left all alone, I gathered my stuff.

In the living room, I clipped Luna into her leash. Wilder was sitting on the couch holding a glass and a bottle of whiskey.

“I’ll text you,” I said to the silent room.

He didn’t respond.

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Chapter 17

WILDER

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