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“Nothing too interesting, to be honest,” he confessed, his voice tinged with modesty. “I did well in school, and I’ve always been drawn to the fast-paced environment of the ER. It’s a challenge every day.”
We continued with the get to know you questions, we laughed some more and had a couple of more drinks.
“That looks like a real smile,” Alexis whispered in my ear.
“Faked it till I made it. But really. Thank you. I needed to get out of my head for a bit.” I whispered back and she gave me a quick hug. As the night progressed, I acknowledged the fun and lightheartedness of the environment. But the shift in perspective, that desire to not miss Wilder hadn’t changed. It looked like I will have to keep faking it some more.
“Let’s dance!” Alexis shouted, enveloping me in a hug. She grabbed Jason by the hand, their laughter trailing behind them as they made their way to the pulsating dance floor.
Eric’s eyes locked with mine, silently seeking permission. I grasped his hand firmly, a mix of apprehension and curiosity coursing through me. Would dancing with another man help put Wilder out of my mind? Together, we followed Alexis’s lead, stepping onto the crowded dance floor. Eric put his hands on my hips and tried to pull me closer. My head was tipsy with the few shots we’d already taken but I kept my distance. I was still planning on going to my apartment after the night is over and didn’t want to give him the wrong impression.
The dance floor was a swirling mass of bodies, the frenetic energy making it difficult to see beyond the shifting sea of people. But I felt it on my skin. I could feel the gleam of cold, steel gray. I saw it in my dreams every night. His gaze pierced me to my core, emanating something I didn’t quite recognize. In the depths of the crowd, illuminated by dim lights and shadows, stood Wilder. There was no denying the danger he exuded from the fury in his eyes to the tension rippling off of his body. There was an unspoken warning of “do not fuck with me” persuading everyone around him to stay away. And I was in love with it. With him.
The realization hit me hard. I didn’t know why I did it. I honestly couldn’t explain it. I hurt. I hurt so bad, because I loved him and to him, I wasn’t worth being honest with. I hurt because despite my knowledge that Wilder couldn’t be the man I needed in my life, I wanted him regardless. Maybe I wanted him to hurt like I hurt.
At that moment, something snapped within me. It was a primal urge, a desire to reclaim my power, to make him feel the pain and longing that consumed me. I turned around, my back pressing against Eric’s solid chest. I pulled him close, so our bodies were pressed against each other. His hands explored the curves of my body, from my chest to my waist, lingering on the curve of my ass. I swayed to the music, gliding my ass across his crotch, fueling the fire. As Eric’s lips found their way to my neck, planting passionate kisses, I tilted my head slightly, my eyes fixated on Wilder. It was a moment of defiance, a silent challenge. I wanted him to see what he had lost, to feel the ache that gnawed at my own heart.
19
Chapter 19
WILDER
Since I talked to Matthew, I had been sitting on the information about my mother. I believed what he had told me. I don’t know why my father would make up a story that she left. He could’ve told everyone that she had betrayed him and so he killed her. It’s not like he hadn’t killed before or after. But I knew him. My father, a master manipulator, had always twisted the truth to suit his needs. Lies came effortlessly to him. Now that I knew that my mother had not disappeared, abandoning me to my father’s influence, I settled in to keep watch. Or rather, Sean was keeping watch, noting his routines and his weaknesses. Where I could best strike to inflict the maximum pain.
While biding my time, I was at Paradiso more often now keeping myself busy. The bass-pounding walls were familiar and comfortable. The silence in my apartment made things worse. I had finished a couple of contracts. One for my family, one for the Russians. They served as a good distraction. While my mind was occupied with contracts and schemes, my thoughts would invariably drift to her, the memories of our shared moments haunting every fucking hour. The memories were a constant reminder that I was a fuck up who didn’t deserve Anna even on my best days.
I had already had a few drinks and was probably closer to drunk than tipsy. The numbing effects of the alcohol failed to hide the weight of my mother and the void of Anna.
I failed to notice when she had arrived. I was probably in my office when she got here. But I noticed her as soon as I walked out. She was beautiful. The shape of her curves ignited memories of my hands against her skin and my lips against hers that I had been trying to push away. She looked almost happy dancing with her friends. Until she saw me.
The almost happy feeling evaporated replaced by rage. And hurt. The pain I saw in her eyes made me sick to my stomach. The sick feeling was quickly replaced with white-hot fury when she pulled the other man closer. I could feel my anger rising with every caress of his hand. My muscles tensed and burned while I held back, but then she let him fucking kiss her. My barely-held composure slipped and I fucking lost it.
I shoved my way through the crowd ignoring the protests and bewildered expressions of those around us. Closing the distance I gripped her wrist tightly in my hand.
“What the hell, man?” her date, a picture-perfect pretty boy, piped up, his voice laced with a mixture of surprise and defiance. Another pretty boy and Alexis, standing behind them, seemed ready to intervene, but my focus remained fixed solely on Anna.
“Wilder,” she whispered, her voice barely audible amidst the chaos of the club. Her words hung in the air and I continued to stare at her, speechless and conflicted.
“Dude, you need to let go of her. You’re scaring her,” her date’s friend interjected. I glanced back at her date and his friend. He seemed to be protective but wary to step up against me.
“Anna, you need to come with me,” I growled, the words escaping my lips with a mix of desperation and determination. I was barely keeping my shit together. If I didn’t the pretty boy’s face out of my sight I was going to fuck things up beyond repair.
“You guys,” Anna turned to look back at her friends, “it’s okay.” Anna tried to calm her friends.
“No, Anna. He doesn’t get to do this, and he sure as hell can’t touch you like that,” Alexis spoke up, her voice firm.
“The weight of her words struck a chord within me, momentarily snapping me out of the grip of my anger. I released Anna’s wrist, realizing the attention we were drawing from the onlookers. “I’m sorry,” I muttered. My gaze remained fixed on Anna, “Anna, please, come with me.”
“Alexis, really. It’s okay. I’ll call you in the morning. I’m sorry Eric.” She apologized. I was embarrassing her.
“Leave him alone.” She whispered under her breath, trying to shield him from the person she thought I was.
I rested my hand on the small of her back and guided her through the maze of back hallways to my office. All the while, my anger was raging through my body and I felt out of control. Baseless fury and I wanted to hit something, hurt someone.
We stood inside my office, in silence. I couldn’t stand the quiet. I walked over and poured myself a glass of whiskey.
“Who the fuck was that?” I yelled maker her flinch. I could hear the threat of violence in my voice and so could she. I was losing control, and with each passing moment, I felt her slipping away from me. “I’m sorry.” I apologized again for the second time of the night.
