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19
MARY-BETH
I’d spent the whole day working on the apartments – overseeing the kitchen fitters, taking delivery of more furniture and getting a quote for decorators to put some feature wallpaper up in a couple of the first floor living rooms. Maddy was at Caleb’s for the day, and getting shit done had stopped me from thinking about Alex too much and what had happened to us.
I was walking back from the paint shop – I’d ordered the fantastic peacock feather wallpaper in the end for one of the apartments, and the pink regency flock for the other. I was punking that one up a bit, with a cool vintage eclectic mix of periods and styles.
I’d walked there to get some exercise – I felt like I was putting on weight, although I hadn’t dared use Alex’s scarily-high-tech bathroom scales in case I messed them up somehow. The fries, dessert and full-fat cappuccino at Smokey Joe’s seemed to have made their way directly to my hips and belly.
It had also been great to walk and let off some steam. I’d loved talking to Jamila, and really enjoyed my time in the shop. It would have been even better if Kayla had come with me, but she was having Macy over to hang out. I’d made them popcorn and put a choice of sodas and juices in the refrigerator for them. Together Kayla and I had picked out some new makeup at Sephora, and some face masks and nail polish too, so that they could have a bit of a girly time together.
It wasn’t what Kayla was into – or so I’d thought, until then. But I could tell she’d been shyly excited about trying out some new looks, and about bonding with Macy again.
I was so relieved things were fine between us. Very sweetly, she’d assured me she wasn’t mad with me, only with Alex.
Well, that made two of us. I hadn’t told her that, of course. I’d done the adult thing and told her that her dad had been trying to do the right thing. I’d also reminded her of how much he loved her.
“Whatever,’ she’d mumbled, but I’d felt my words land with her.
Once I was out of the store, on my own again, I found myself mulling over things with Alex. As I got in touch with my anger again, my pace picked up. Soon I was marching along the sidewalk.
I was still hurt and angry (borderline furious, actually) that Alex had given up on our relationship so easily, when we both knew it was something special.
Of course, it was awful, what had happened with Kayla. But we’d had good intentions. It was a bump we could have worked through. But no – he had to go all macho asshole and make decisions without me. Well, if that was how it was going to be, then better for me to find out now.
That’s what I’d said to Clare on the phone earlier, anyhow. Better to know and get out now, before I got too involved. But it was too late for that – I was already involved. I was in love, and this hurt like hell.
Yeah, I know I’d then thrown in that we’d never be getting back together. But I didn’t blame myself. That was just me self-protecting, as he’d proved he didn’t feel as strongly about me as I felt about him. I was proud of myself for that, however much it hurt.
I was sick of running after guys who weren’t stepping up, desperate for love and approval. I didn’t have to be a psychotherapist to see that I’d had that pattern going on with my dad my whole life, and that I’d replayed it with Caleb.
I sure as hell wasn’t going to do the same thing with Alex. This was about self-respect, and self-worth.
* * *
The moment I walked in the apartment door I knew that something as very, very wrong.
Even before I saw the popcorn all over the living room floor, and the pools of soda, and the makeup smeared into Alex’s smart suede sofa, and the smashed glass of the Macintosh bookcase.
That made me wince. But of course, none of it mattered. “Kayla?!” I called out. “Kayla?!”
When she didn’t reply, or appear, I felt sick with worry. What the hell had happened in here? I’d welcomed Macy and then gone to the store, to give them some time. I should have stayed downstairs…
But then, she was nearly fourteen, and Alex had been fine with it.
I looked in the kitchen - no luck - and then in her room, but she wasn’t there either.
“Kayla?! Macy?!”
I was struck with sudden, cold fear. Jesus, had they been abducted or something?
“Girls?! Girls!”
Then, through the baby monitor in the hall, I heard crying.
Kayla.
I ran to my room and found her curled up on my bed next to Maddy’s cot, cuddling Mad’s Leo the Lion and sobbing hard.
