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“Alex,” Ximena’s voice rasped, her forehead resting against his. “Te amo, primo. I’m sorry I wasn’t here, I’m so sorry I didn’t try harder. Please. I'm so sorry."
Shame filled Vera like thick syrup, clogging her senses. The room fell away as she watched her sister fall apart over Alex’s body. She should’ve been in Fort Collins. She should have been looking for him. She should have prevented this, done anything other than lighting the match that burned her life to ash.
She had done this.
She failed everyone who trusted her.
She trusted those who failed her.
When had she gotten it so wrong? When had she started prioritizing all the wrong things, letting everyone that mattered fall by the wayside? She felt the thoughts inundate her, swallowing her in the reality she hadn’t registered until that moment.
A heart-splitting wail from Ximena shook her out of her own ocean of pain. Vera’s eyes strained against the tears she wished she could cry. She’d do anything to be able to, to get some relief from the pressure pushing her down, down, down.
Teddi pulled Ximena up, giving Vera the chance to step closer alone.
She forced herself to look at his face. The wounds were garish around his mouth, the holes where his eyes once were were wrong. Everything was wrong. Flecks of dried blood were still caught in his brows.
Vera’s hands clenched and released, sweat slicking her palms. Forcing the whispered words out, she gave the truth he deserved. “Lo siento, Alex. I’m sorry.” Stepping back, she felt the strange sensation again. The one where she left herself floating apart and away as if she was haunting herself.
“Come on, let’s get you guys home,” Teddi’s gentle voice broke through, her hand catching Vera’s like a life preserver.
She let Teddi lead them out of the cold morgue, staring at the point where their skin met. A sensation she’d missed but couldn’t find an ounce of excitement for welled within her as tried to fill her lungs. In a daze, her other hand moved of its own accord. The pen scratched something that may have been her signature along a thin black line. The reception desk was high, allowing her to lean her weight on it.
The body was identified. Alex was found. She had given him his name back by giving her own.
Vera’s arms were filling with cement. The pen someone had handed her fell out of her grip. Something was murmured. A piece of white paper was pushed beneath her palm. Someone else was pulling her.
“Can we leave, please?” Ximena’s voice pulled too, bringing the room slowly back into focus.
“We’re sorry for your loss and we appreciate you helping us out with the identification.” Sheriff Malis leaned against the reception desk and tipped his chin at them. The auburn-haired deputy sat behind him, unmoved by the overt displays of emotion playing out in front of him.
As if waking from a dream, Vera blinked, taking in the room. She didn’t remember it being this big when she first walked in. It felt cavernous, as if it had swallowed them up in a gulp and waited to spit them out.
Her eyes snagged on a disheveled blonde woman behind metal bars on the opposite side of the room. Half of her face was hidden, eyes narrowed back at her. She looked like she spent the night on the jail floor, her braid ratty and tied with torn cloth. Her thin hand wrapped around the bar of her cell, knuckles bone white. Looking away, Vera nodded numb farewells to the Sheriff and his deputy.
Helping Ximena into the back seat so she could lie down, Vera shut the door and leaned against it, taking her first full breath in hours. She wanted to collapse. To sleep. To have a drink, to erase what just happened. She shook her head, trying to put the pieces back in their proper place.
Alex was dead. An intentional overdose, if she believed what the sheriff and coroner said. He had never given indicators of suicidal ideations that she’d seen or Ximena mentioned. But then some people never did and they still took their own lives. She didn’t even know he’d dabbled in drug use. No, he hadn’t done it, she was sure. He may have struggled at school or lost his girlfriend but he had family he could lean on besides the two of them. His mom lived in Guadalajara now but he knew he could’ve gone to her. He wouldn’t have killed himself.
The fact that he was missing for five months and yet only recently found left her mind reeling. Where was he all those months, she wondered. She instinctively reached for her phone but then stopped herself. Her first calls were always to Rod. They were teammates on countless ops. Her hand dropped as the truth slid into place again. He couldn’t do anything. She was just another civilian with a missing family member that had been found in the worst of circumstances. A position she never anticipated being in.
“Come on, I’ll drive us back. I want to get the fuck out of here.” Teddi opened the passenger door. She got in without argument.
Teddi shut the door as her phone rang. Whatever was said was too muffled for Vera to hear but she watched Teddi lurch forward as if she tried to catch the words through the phone.
“What?” Vera asked.
Teddi’s mouth twisted as she stared at her through the window, eyes wide.
“What is it?”
A muffled “Ok, I’ll call you back” became clear as Teddi swung open the door.
“What happened?”
“This town has two more bodies.”
Chapter 7
