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Mark wanted to pat her on the back or stroke her hair, the way he might do with one of his nieces.
But he and Pam didn’t exactly have a touchy-feely relationship. It had been friends, and nothing more, through the last ten years. He didn’t want to rock the boat. Even though, there had been times he’d wondered if maybe he could, and Pam might respond, and they could have something more than what they did.
Every time he took some other woman out on a date, for example. They never matched up to the relationship he had with Pam.
Even though he told himself to be patient, that relationships took time to nurture and grow and for people to learn the little things about him, the little things that Pam knew and did automatically. It wasn’t fair to compare someone who barely knew him with Pam who’d known him for a decade.
But he still did. And they always came up lacking.
“I just couldn’t stay there any longer. I told you about the little girl whose parents were divorcing and who cried in my classroom for days. How could I not tell her that Jesus loved her? How could I not give her that hope? And yeah, I got reprimanded for it. They threatened to place me on leave without pay. I guess I could wait for them to do that, or... I just took matters into my own hands. It felt like the right thing to do at the time. It felt like God was saying ‘yes, do it.’ But maybe that was just me. Because now it feels like a really big mistake.”
“Quitting your job... I couldn’t blame you. But again, buying the inn at the same time might’ve been a little bit much.”
“I know. I have a tendency to go all in on things.”
“That’s true.”
She did. It was part of what he really liked about her. When she was a friend, she was a friend down to her toenails. She was loyal, faithful, and there was nothing that he could ever need her to do that she wouldn’t move heaven and earth to try to get done, and most of the time, she saw his need before he even saw it and was already working to do what she could to fix it for him.
Everyone should have a friend like that.
Regardless, there were downsides to having that kind of personality. Quitting her job and buying an inn at the same time was a case in point.
“Maybe you can turn around and sell the inn.”
“It’s been for sale for three years. I hardly think that I’m going to be able to sell it in less time.”
“Good point. Although, with the way Blueberry Beach has been growing, property values are going up.”
“But all anyone’s going to do is raze the building. Put some kind of brand-new modern type thing in. It hurt my heart every time I thought about it, but I was busy raising my girls and didn’t have time. Now I do. Not only do I not have my girls anymore, I don’t have a job either.”
“And you don’t have the money that comes with having a job. So there’s that,” he said, hating to be the voice of reason but feeling like it needed to be said.
“Yeah. There is that. But I have my inheritance...if I can get Mom to finally give it to me.” She didn’t sound particularly happy about it.
“She told you that she would give it to you...when you got married again. She was pretty adamant about the fact that you weren’t getting it any time before that happy occasion occurred.”
“Marriage isn’t a happy occasion. Marriage is a ball and chain. I hate marriage. Marriage is the worst thing that ever happened to me.”
He shouldn’t have gotten her started. Even though her divorce happened ten years prior, she’d been adamant about the fact that she was never getting married again. Her husband had been a narcissist who was the charming kind, who could con pretty much anyone into anything, and had kept Pam on a string for years.
She’d probably still be on that string if he hadn’t cheated on her. But he had and had left her to make a new family with someone else.
Sometimes he wondered if maybe Pam wished she wouldn’t have found out about her ex’s affair. Life had been a lot harder for her after her divorce.
Mark had done what he could to try to be a dad to the girls, since their own father didn’t want to have anything to do with them. He’d gone through three or four more women in the years since, from what Mark understood. Pam didn’t keep up with them, but every once in a while, she’d mention it.
“I don’t blame you. I guess I wouldn’t get married again either.” Not unless the right woman came along. He’d be a lot more picky this time around than he was the first time. She was going to be...someone like Pam. Not someone like his first wife, who was beautiful, delicate, and sweet, until she didn’t get what she wanted, and then she was very much like a two-year-old pitching a fit in the grocery store because her mom wouldn’t buy her candy.
It amazed him that someone who looked so sweet and innocent could become so nasty and ugly over stupid stuff. Stuff he didn’t understand. Eventually, he thought maybe it was him, since she’d been happily married since her divorce from him and had two children with that guy.
Good for them.
Mark just figured he was bad at picking women and had put his heart and soul into making his landscaping business a success.
And doting on his nieces. Who were now grown up and had moved away. He still kept a close relationship with them and his sister though.
“It’s been long enough that Mom might have forgotten, or maybe she changed her mind. I can’t believe I’m even considering this. But conditions had gotten so bad at school that... I felt like I didn’t have a choice. And I truly did feel like this was something the Lord wanted me to do. I... I wouldn’t have done it without that feeling. Of course, sometimes I want to do something so bad that what feels like God’s leading is probably just me wanting it that bad.”
