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Suddenly very aware of being surrounded by dildos and vibrators and butt plugs, my cheeks went a little pink.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said, backing up a bit. “We’ll let you get back to your food. Thank you for taking a moment to talk to me.”
“Jennifer,” Eli called, making me stop and turn back. “Get in touch with me sometime. He’ll know how,” he added, jerking his chin at Noah. “Or I am going to have to track you down.”
With that, we moved back out of the store, walking in silence back up the side street onto the main road where I finally stopped, taking a deep breath.
“You okay?”
“I think I can finally answer that with a yes,” I admitted, giving him a smile I felt down to my marrow.
And then Noah’s arm went around me.
He leaned in to press a kiss to my temple.
And everything, everything was perfect.
EPILOGUE
Jenny – 3 weeks
Perfect was a funny thing.
An unrealistic thing.
But it was a strong feeling, one that could overwhelm you completely, cocoon you inside the sweet sensations, make you think they were permanent, unchangeable.
But perfect was a live thing, something that ebbed and flowed, ever-shifting as the sea. It crested,completely enveloped you, drowned you in it. Then just as effortlessly pulled back away, leaving you cold and wet and hyper-aware of the loss.
The first time the perfection was pierced, I hadn’t even been aware it was happening at first.
Sleep had claimed me as it so often did, wrapped up in Noah’s arms, tucking into his side, resting on his chest, warm, body contented with orgasms and peace, freedom.
But my dreams weren’t always a safe place to be. Unconsciousness was a vast, endless void that left space for memories to come back where they didn’t find room to do so while I was awake.
Teddy haunted me in my dreams. Not every night. But enough. I woke up on a gasp more than a few times, quiet enough that I didn’t startle Noah awake.
It felt wrong to keep secrets, even one as small as my occasional nightmares.
But I hated it when Teddy came between us. It was inevitable on occasion. Like how we were still not acting as a couple. At least not outside the walls of my house or – more often – his.
Quin’s rule.
He was being careful.
He wanted to make sure that nothing ever came of Teddy’s death.
Three months seems fair.
That was what he’d said when we’d had a meeting the week before.
Three months.
In the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t a long time. And just because we had an act to put on, it didn’t mean we couldn’t be together.
But it did mean that whenever I ran into someone outside the house, Teddy was always what they wanted to talk to me about, dragging him out, dusting him off, putting him right between Noah and me.
So I didn’t want to bring him into our bed too.
Unfortunately, sometimes, you can’t control the way your body acts to a bad dream, making you toss turn, talk, whine, cry. Enough to wake up the person in bed with you.
I startled awake with a gasp like I was used to at this point.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Noah soothed, reaching out to me.
“Don’t touch me.”
The words hissed out of me, low and lethal, a kill shot to Noah’s good intentions.
He shocked back, eyes big, as I tried to pull in a few breaths, tried to remind myself that it was a dream.
Just a dream.
But dreams could feel so real.
Even awake, I could swear I felt the bruises pounded into me in the nightmare, making me feel sore, my body flooded with adrenaline.
“I’m sorry,” I said, a cry in my voice when I realized how I had spoken to him. As though his arms disgusted me. As if I didn’t want them near me ever again.
“Don’t,” he said, shaking his head. “I get it, sweetheart. I get nightmares too.”
“I’ve never… I started to object.
“The mornings you wake up alone, those are the nightmare nights for me,” he explained, reaching out to touch my knee softly, only squeezing when I didn’t jerk away.
Those mornings were frequent.
At least three a week.
I had just figured he was an early riser, that it was from his military days, that it was against his training to stay in bed burning daylight when you could be up and accomplishing something.
It never occurred to me that he had a secret, that he had a mind that brought back ugly memories when it was supposed to be resting.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, trying to make sure my voice wasn’t accusatory.
“Some shit in my past is ugly, Jenny. Didn’t want any of it rubbing off on you.”
I thought on that for a long moment as the adrenaline started to get reabsorbed, leaving me calm, my brain clear.
