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He growled again, even as his eyes filled with regret, but he didn't argue, either. He knew his actions were out of line, but knowing didn't make this any easier for me.
“Mariah,” Abi said softly, placing a hand on my arm. “Please try to understand. Dragon shifters are different. Evan’s trying.”
“Yeah, well he needs to try harder. Being a dragon shifter doesn't excuse hurting someone unprovoked,” I said in a fury.
Evan tried again, reaching out with remorseful eyes as he stepped toward me. “Mariah, I'm so sorry.”
“No,” I snapped, stepping back from him. “I won't pretend like an apology makes this okay.” My eyes drifted to the clock hanging on the wall. “I need to go. I have another class starting soon.”
“Mariah, wait,” Evan pleaded, but I turned and ran out of the room, then back up the stairs to the third floor.
As I sat down at my desk, I tried to push the incident out of my mind, but I couldn’t seem to let it go. As much as I didn’t want to consider it, I wondered if there was a part of Evan, a part of his dragon’s nature, that I’d never truly understand.
I sighed, rubbing my temples in frustration. This was supposed to be a day for new beginnings, for focusing on my education and my future. Instead, I found myself questioning everything I thought I knew about the man I loved.
“Focus, Mariah,” I whispered to myself, drowning out the doubts swirling through my mind. “One thing at a time.”
But as the lecture began, I knew that things between Evan and I weren't going to be resolved so easily.
A couple hours later, there was a knock at the door. I’d decided not to go downstairs, wanting to keep my attention on school, but it didn’t seem as if I could avoid what happened earlier.
“Mariah?” Abi poked her head through the door. “I thought maybe you could use some water and a snack.” She walked in and set a tray down on my desk. It had water, juice, and a soda, plus a fruit bowl and some yogurt and granola.
“Thanks,” I said, though I was still a bit wary of even talking to anyone. “I appreciate it.”
“You've been in here for hours. I figured you could use some sustenance.” She sat down in a chair on the opposite side of my desk, studying me closely. “Listen, Mariah, about what happened earlier… I know it must have been upsetting for you, but you have to try not to be too hard on Evan.”
I frowned. “Abi, he attacked Jax for no reason. That's not okay. Who knows what might have happened if Sebastian hadn’t shown up to break it up?”
“I understand that,” she said gently. “But you're not a dragon, so you don’t feel things the way we do. When our emotions run high, it can be difficult to control ourselves.”
Well, that was just plain annoying. Was she implying that just because I wasn't a dragon and wasn’t used to their ways, I had no right to be upset about Evan's behavior?
“No, I'm not a dragon,” I said. “But that still doesn't excuse what happened in the kitchen.”
“Of course not.” Abi held up her hands in a placating gesture. “I’m not going to justify Evan's actions. I just want to help you understand why he reacted the way he did. Dragons aren't always the most rational creatures when our emotions get the better of us.” She looked away. “It's one of the reasons we tend to avoid being with humans.”
I felt a twinge of hurt at her words, but I didn’t let it show. Instead, I focused on the plate of food Abi had brought me and started picking at it.
“That doesn’t mean I'm against the two of you being together,” she said quickly. “Quite the opposite. It’s just easier to handle when you can relate.” She paused and sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. “I’m not making this any better, am I?”
“Abi, it's okay,” I said, forcing a smile. “I appreciate your honesty.”
She looked at me with concern in her eyes, and I knew she wanted to help, but that didn't make it any easier to swallow.
“I’m sorry for interrupting you,” she said softly. “I’ll leave you to it.”
“Thank you.” I watched her retreat from the room. As soon as the door closed, I tried to get ready for my next lecture, but even as my last class of the day began, instead of the professor's voice, all I could hear were Abi's words echoing in my head.
Would there always be a cultural divide between Evan and me? Would I always feel out of place in their lives? When we’d been back in New York City, before all of this mess, I’d been sure that Evan being a shifter didn’t matter, that we could make it work despite our differences. But now that we were here, now that his dragon nature was really coming out, I wondered what other obstacles we might have ahead of us.
My stomach churned, and I found myself unable to concentrate on the lesson. The screen blurred before me as I attempted to reel in my thoughts. I couldn’t seem to shake the images of Evan's jealous rage, or of Jax crumpled on the floor, and they stirred an unease deep within that was hard to ignore.
I managed to make it through the class, but the weight of my concerns grew heavier and heavier. Evan and I were from two different worlds, and no matter how much we cared for each other, there would always be that chasm between us. I was human. He wasn’t. That was becoming more obvious with every passing day.
That’d never been a problem back in New York, but since we’d arrived on the Carey clan lands, Evan was growing into his dragon more and more with each passing day. He was different than he’d been before. What he’d done today, with Jax? It was hard to reconcile that behavior with the man I knew and loved. With each day that passed, it became clearer that there were fundamental differences between us. Were they too much? I’d been welcomed and accepted by the Careys, and even those of the clan that I’d met so far, yet I wasn’t a dragon—wasn’t truly a part of it all.
Would I ever be?
