AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Wait,” I said, moving before thinking and almost upending the entire tray of food on my lap. There was a chaotic yelp and a downright impressive display of acrobatics as I saved it from falling over the edge of the bed. When I had a good grip on it, I carefully moved it away from my legs. As soon as I was sure it wouldn’t make a mess, I crawled onto Cole’s lap and pulled his hand away from his face.
“You think I’m disgusting,” he said.
“Is that what I feel?” I asked, tilting my head to catch his downcast eyes. “You know most of my strong feelings these days. Is that what happened?”
“No...”
I smiled and put my hands on his cheeks. Cole begrudgingly let out a breath and dropped his hands to the tops of my thighs as he looked at me. “I can’t believe how much you look like Noah when you’re pouting. I can’t believe I get to see you pouting,” I teased.
“It isn’t pouting, Marley. It’s—I mean, there was a time you were so nervous about dating me because I was a shifter. I’m terrified this will be some kind of deal-breaker.”
“Well, it’s not,” I promised. “I mean, I was just surprised I’d never heard anything about this before, you know? It seems like something Wyatt would have eaten up.”
“I have a theory that he didn’t because it would have meant revealing the monstrous side of himself,” Cole said. “Like, Wyatt always seemed to know that his behavior was bullshit, you know? He would never act abusive around people who would care; he’d keep it under wraps, or try to convince you that you had the wrong idea. If he tried to claim you and you’d gotten footage or something of it, there was no way he could argue or gaslight you.”
It made sense. Of course, there would be no way to ever confirm the truth of it, but it tracked with Wyatt’s behavior while we were together and the media mess that followed when he found me again.
“Anyway,” I said, shaking my head to stop thinking about Wyatt. “I…do have some reservations, but it doesn’t sound like anything much more intense than the stuff we’ve been experimenting with in the bedroom.”
Cole’s eyebrows rose. “Really?”
“Can you blame me?” I said, also blushing now. “I’m a little bit obsessed with you, after all.”
Cole let out a little sigh and pressed his forehead against mine. “Fuck, Marley. I don’t think you even understand how obsessed I am with you. I keep thinking I’ve hit the limit of how much I can think about a woman, and then you say or do something like that.”
“I’ll, uh, do some reading,” I said. “I’m sure there are women who have experienced knotting online somewhere. They probably have tips for doing it safely and—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. You actually want me to do it?”
“You said they…weren’t taking us seriously because you hadn’t claimed me,” I mumbled, feeling my ears get hot. “Do...do you not want to?”
“I do. But, Marley, this is not—it wouldn’t be like how it is when I make love to you, baby.” He drew back from me and stroked a hand down my hair. “It won’t be slow, it won’t be careful. I won’t be in a headspace where I can check for your consent at regular intervals. I’ll be more animal than man. God, Marley, I don’t want to hurt you or scare you.”
“Wild like last night? With the chase?”
“That times ten,” he said. “Please take me seriously when I tell you this, Marley. In that mindset, until I’m done with you and sated, it’ll be the roughest sex you’ve ever had. I won’t be in danger of causing any real harm to you—I wouldn’t bite or kill you or something like that. But I can’t rule out scratches, bruises, or even some tearing.”
My heart thrummed, and I had to swallow the saliva that had pooled in my mouth. I looked away from him as a litany of emotions rushed through me.
Cole pressed his hand to my chest and tutted softly. “Marley, it’s fluttering like a hummingbird in there,” he said. “We don’t have to do it. Not until you feel ready for it. Hell, we don’t ever have to do it if you don’t want to. It doesn’t hurt my feelings. It doesn’t feel like rejection or anything. I’m just happy you’re not rushing out the door, you know?”
I swallowed dryly again and shook my head. “That’s not why my heart is racing,” I said. “I’m not scared.”
“What, then?” he asked patiently.
“R-remember when I freaked out and walked away when you asked me about the primal kink thing?”
“Yeah, it was fucking adorable,” he said with a grin.
“Same thing,” I said. “I’m forcing myself not to flee, but I just feel weird because, to be honest, all of that sounds really appealing to me. And I know that it makes me seem like someone who can’t make up her mind. Like, I fought tooth and nail to get away from an abuser, so why would I find something like that even remotely appealing? Maybe it really was my fault that Wyatt—”
Cole pressed his fingers to my lips. “Don’t even finish that sentence,” he said, his voice quiet and heavy. “Don’t conflate your fantasies with implicit consent to being abused. That’s not what I’m doing to you—that’s not something I would ever do to you. Do you understand me?”
“But…” My throat was tight. “Other people…”
“Who gives a fuck what other people say, Marley?” Cole demanded, grasping my chin, not hard enough to hurt me, but enough to jostle me out of my spiral of self-blame. “The only person who knows what you want is you. People may speculate or try to tell you that this or that behavior means this or that about you, but they’re all full of shit. You are the expert of your own mind and body, all right?”
“All right,” I said.
