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I took his hand. Once again, he pulled me up with no effort. I sighed as I crawled onto the sturdy wooden platform. “Man, that was a lot harder than it looked,” I said.
River grinned, still looking pristine. “Yeah, it takes some practice to get used to, but it’s a great workout,” he said, then grinned again. “You’re avoiding the question.”
“Oh, no, I’m not,” I said quickly. “Just wanted to really think about it, I guess.” I leaned back on my elbows and looked at him sidelong. “It’s created so many issues for me—for us. Me, Cole, and his son Noah. Not being a shifter has not only caused problems with local folks, but with people here, too.”
“Here?” River asked. “Like who?”
“Some girl made a pass last night while Cole was out running with them,” I said. “He told her to back off, but I can’t help feeling that wouldn’t have happened if I was a shifter.”
“Well…” River said before wincing. “Actually, never mind.”
“The claiming thing, right?” I said. “It’s all right. I know that’s the other option.”
“You know what it entails?”
“As of last night, yeah.”
“So, you can understand why I recalibrated for a moment,” he said wryly. “But I digress. That’s not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about your reasons for wanting to be a shifter.”
I nodded. “There’ve also been a lot of close calls.”
River’s gaze sobered a bit. “The scars. Cole mentioned the bite last night.”
“Yeah,” I said. “An abusive ex did it. He wanted me to become a shifter, probably so he could control me better. Honestly, after learning about the claiming thing, I feel like I understand him even less than I already did.”
River nodded. “So, you want to become a shifter so you can protect yourself?”
“Yeah,” I said again. “I work—worked—at a school for shifters back home in New Middle Bluff. Most of my friends and relations these days are shifters, too. Whenever I see them shift, it’s just so beautiful and powerful. I want to have that for myself. And for the people I care about, too. I don’t want to just hug the wall while Cole does all his shifter things without me. I don’t want to constantly be surrounded by a halo of people meant to protect me, either.”
River bent his knees and rested his elbows on them, crossing his arms and leaning his chin against his forearms. “So, you want to become a shifter for the people you love and have the ability to protect yourself?”
I squirmed a bit. “I guess those aren’t very good reasons—wanting to do it for a boyfriend and for power.”
“I’m not judging your reasons,” he said with a shrug. “Frankly, I’m not the arbiter of what reasons are and aren’t good enough for you to become a shifter. But neither is your mate. At the end of the day, it should be a decision you make for yourself, right?”
His words struck a chord within me, resonating deeply. I knew he was right. I had to embrace my own power and learn to navigate the shifter world on my own terms. All the same, I didn’t want to hurt Cole by causing him to worry. Not after everything he’d done for me.
“He said that I’d be more likely to have complications since I’ve been bitten already,” I said.
“That may be so, but if that’s a risk you’re willing to take, then it’s fine,” River replied.
“He seemed upset that I would consider doing anything that could take me away from him. He wants me to not do anything I’ll regret, especially when he thinks I’m perfect as I am.”
“And you are,” River pointed out. “Perfect the way that you are, that is. Everyone is. But that doesn’t stop people from wanting to improve, right? Sometimes we like ourselves and still want to modify our bodies, get more muscular, be more flexible—whatever. Becoming a shifter is just another way of choosing a modification for yourself, even if it’s permanent.”
I pursed my lips. In some ways, it was nice to hear these things, but it was also difficult to decide what was the best option. Even if I wanted to become a shifter, I didn’t want to hurt Cole by pursuing it. And what if I really did wind up in horrible shape because of the shift? I was so confused, so on the fence about what I should do.
“You have time to figure it out,” River said softly. “It’s not like you have to make the decision today. I know it must be hard to discern what you want to do for yourself when you’ve spent so much time having to play by someone else’s rules.”
I nodded. “Yeah. It’s difficult to figure out if I’m making choices for other people or making them for myself.”
“Well, when you figure it out, I think you should do what’s right for you.”
“What if Cole leaves me? If I tell him I want to become a shifter, what if he decides he can’t abide it?”
“Do you want to be with someone who holds his love hostage in that way?”
My mind immediately went to Wyatt when River asked me that, not Cole. “Cole isn’t like that,” I said. I wasn’t being defensive, just stating a fact.
