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The words I needed were lost. The pain overpowered everything, all things, inside of me. Makai, the man I’d fallen for the very day I laid eyes on him, was telling me that in this world, we no longer existed.
That we could no longer be.
That I didn’t belong with him.
That he didn’t belong with me.
As if he didn’t remember us, remember our love. As if he’d forgotten so swiftly. As if I hadn’t felt something. As if he hadn’t felt it, too.
I closed my eyes, desperate to locate a new source of oxygen because he’d taken all I had left inside of me. I couldn’t fathom seeing him walk out of the door.
Walk away from me.
Walk away from us.
Walk away from the future he’d promised me.
I couldn’t bear the weight of any more pain. A thousand tons sat on my chest, already restricting my airways and suffocating me. Death, the one that he spoke of, had to be easier than this.
FIFTEEN
Walking away from Glacier made every bone in my body hurt. Doubled over in pain, I exited through the emergency room doors. I leaned over the first patch of grass in sight, releasing every piece of food I’d consumed in the last twenty-four hours. Leaving my whole life behind, the act of it all was repulsive.
“Urgh!”
My body began to purge, trying to rid itself of the things love had given to me before life took it away tragically.
“Fuck.”
I wiped the remains with the back of my sleeve.
“Fuck, Mommas.”
Drunkenly, I stumbled in the opposite direction, toward the car that I was using to conceal my identity during my hunt. Beside it, I lowered my body to the concrete slab because I could go no further. Head in my hands, I tucked my emotions deep down, as far as they’d go, because where I was headed, they couldn’t come.
Get ya shit together, nigga.
Walking away from Glacier was the most complicated task I’d ever have to complete. But it was the most necessary. If I wanted Mommas to live a good, fulfilling life, then there was no other way. She deserved peace. I didn’t know peace. She was the only bit of it I’d truly experienced. For that, I owed her the world. With a stacked account and a new stream of income, I hoped I’d given it to her.
I hopped in the whip and took a brief second to get myself together. The ignition stalled before starting on the second attempt. Without haste, I rolled a blunt using as much of the weed inside of my tin as would fit. The first puff after lighting it was followed by so many more. And finally, when my head was on straight, I exited the lot.
I ignored every traffic law Berkeley had ever put into effect, headed straight toward The Valley where the police presence was heavy and jail was inevitable. I floored the engine as I entered the expressway and didn’t let up on the gas until I reached my exit.
Blue lights flashed behind me almost instantly. Deciding to take them on a wild ride, I continued deeper into The Valley where the street lights hardly came on and addicts crawled the streets at odd hours.
“Pull over, now!”
The loudspeakers drowned out the maxed volume of the stereo.
“This is the Berkeley City Police Department. You are being pulled over. Decelerate now.”
I obeyed the orders I’d been given, but not until I was ready and when my blunt had ended. On a well-lit gas station lot with a full audience, for my safety, I exited the car with my hands in the air.
“Get out now!”
“On the ground! Now.”
I lowered my body to the ground and placed both hands behind my back so the officers wouldn’t have to. The less time we wasted out here, the more time I’d have to master my plan of action.
