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The officer hadn’t given me a number or letter to follow, group sixteen was next. I joined the line that was forming and waited to be escorted down the hallway. It didn’t take long. Everything was moving swiftly. Before I knew it, I was sitting down, staring at the number twelve.
Am I too far down? Will he see me? Maybe I should’ve worn makeup to cover the bruises. A million thoughts ran through my mind.
Anxiety continued to manifest in my belly as I wiped the phone with a disinfectant wipe that I’d removed from my purse before coming inside. The germs were one of the things I’d read many warnings about on the social forum for visitation.
Taking extra precaution, I wiped the small surface my elbows rested on. As I began, a shadow darkened everything in front of me. I looked up to find Makai and those dark, mysterious eyes staring back at me. I picked up the phone, again, placing it up to my ear this time. Makai did the same.
“Hey,” hesitantly, I greeted him.
I swallowed the lump in my throat as I waited for his response. When I was met with silence, defeat entered our space, weaving in and out of the threads that covered my body.
“Maka—say something, baby,” I begged. “Say somet—”
“Go home, Mommas,” he advised, staring daggers into my chest.
He didn’t sit. He didn’t bat an eye. His facial muscles never relaxed. His posture never changed. That smile that I’d dreamed of, it never showed.
WHAM.
The sound of the phone slamming onto the hook that was connected to the wall nearly made me jump through my skin. Furrowed brows and a continuously breaking heart were evidence of my confusion.
Makai?
I held the phone, unsure of what to say or what to do. As quick as Makai had come, he’d gone. Bushy hair and a beard that had grown nearly twice its normal length over the last eight days deemed me speechless. Underneath the thick, black hair, I could still see him beneath. Makai was still there, somewhere.
Why are you doing this to me? my heart screamed, but nothing surfaced.
The loud ringing sound startled me. Thirty minutes had passed. I’d sat in silence, completely disoriented for twenty-six of them.
“Time to go, ma’am,” the guard at the front of the long hallway shouted. “Visitation is over.”
Over? That word, in particular, stuck to me like glue.
“Sorry. I, uh…”
“It’s time to go. We have another group coming in.”
It was then I noticed the booths were empty. I was the only person who remained.
“I’m so sorry. I’m leaving.”
In a trance, I cleared the building and rushed to my car. The physical pain I felt was nothing in comparison to the hole Makai had left in my heart. Bleeding profusely, my head fell into my hands as I released what was left of me.
* * *
Patting against the wooden floors woke me from my sleep. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been down or how many times I’d been in and out over the last twenty-something hours. All I knew was my heart hurt no less than it did when I left the prison the previous day.
The rest of my house hadn’t seen me. I climbed into bed. My appetite didn’t exist and the heaviness of my burdens had bolted me to the bed. The days were long. The nights were even longer. Misery had been knocking so long that I grew tired and let it in.
Losing my mind and all the good sense that God had given me was a possibility, and it’s what I thought had happened to me when I heard the low grumbles of Ghost and Midnight. I ventured out of my bedroom, knowing that there was only one person who could be responsible for their presence.
Feeling as if all bets weren’t off the table and all hope wasn’t lost, I rushed into the living room. Seeing Makai free and in the home we shared would heal every spirit of brokenness that had been released on my account.
“Mak—”
With Midnight and Ghost at his side, Mercer stood in my living room. As if he would appear at any moment, I remained silent, waiting for Makai to peep his head around the corner or jump out and scare me. I waited for him to wrap his arms around my waist. I waited for him to whisper in my ear, telling me things that would soothe every ache in my body.
I’ve missed you.
