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“That moon is beautiful,” she says with a soft sigh that I feel in my groin.
“Sure is.”
“It reminds me of that night by the lake. Do you remember?”
How could I forget it. It was the night I finally admitted my feelings for her. It was the night she promised she would never leave us. I suppose we’ve both made promises that we couldn’t keep. I promised her she would be safe with me. I swore that I would never let him hurt her, yet I handed her straight to him. “Of course I do. It seems like a lifetime ago.”
“I think about it all the time.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I think you should build that place out on the lake as soon as we get back.”
“You do?” I look down at her.
“Hmm. So we can have a place just like this when we need to get away from the city.”
I wrap my arms around her and we sit in silence for a while.
“Why have you been avoiding me?” she whispers.
“I haven’t been avoiding you,” I lie.
“Well it certainly feels like it. Does what he did bother you?”
I look down at her with a scowl on my face. “Of course it fucking bothers me, Jessie. I hate what that evil fucker did to you.”
“I don’t mean like that,” she stammers. “I mean…when I was with your brothers earlier, I was hoping you might…”
Fuck! She thinks that I don’t want her. I don’t even know what to say in response to that but she fills the silence with another question.
“Why were you drinking out here alone?”
“I just wanted some time to think.”
“About?”
“About everything.”
“Are you okay?” She looks up at me with those beautiful blue eyes and my heart almost bursts out of my chest. After everything she’s been through, everything I let happen to her, she asks if I’m okay.
“No,” I say. The whiskey must be some kind of truth serum because I should tell her everything is fine and send her back to bed.
“Shane,” she says with a sigh as she rests her warm hand on my cheek. “Please don’t blame yourself for what happened.”
“I should never have let him anywhere near you. He got to you because of me and that’s a fact, Jessie. There is no escaping that.”
“No!” She shifts her position so she can look into my eyes. “He got to me because that is what he does. You didn’t even know who he was. How could you have predicted that?”
“I made you a promise that he would never hurt you again!” I snarl at her although the only person I am angry with right now is myself.
“And I love that you made that promise, Shane, but don’t you see it’s one that you can never keep.” She shakes her head. “Nobody can.”
“I can! I should have.”
“No matter how much we love someone, we can never stop them being hurt. We can’t protect people from hurt and pain, as much as we want to. You have to accept that or you’re going to drive yourself crazy trying to keep everyone safe when it’s an impossible task.”
“Don’t, Jessie! I can keep you all safe. I will.” I feel the wave of emotion crashing over me and I suck in a deep breath. The cool night air fills my lungs but it does little to calm my racing heart. This isn’t just about Jessie anymore. This is about every single time Patrick or Paul Ryan hurt someone I love. I sit up and she sits with me, awkwardly perched on my lap now.
