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“We just don’t want you driving yourself crazy every month,” Conor says as he reaches across and takes my hand.
“I’m not…” I say as a tear rolls down my face and I swat it away. What the hell is wrong with me?
“We all love the baby-making part, Red,” Mikey adds.
“Yeah,” Liam agrees as he takes my free hand in his. “But we don’t want you to feel so much pressure, baby. It’ll happen when it happens.”
“But w-what about… W-we won’t know when the time is right…” I stammer.
“Like you said yourself when we started this, there isn’t a day goes by without you being fucked by at least one of us. We’re not going to miss the window,” Shane assures me.
“I know you said this is for me,” I sniff, “so why does it feel like a punishment?”
“Jessie,” Conor says with a sigh as both he and Liam squeeze my hands tighter.
“It’s not a punishment at all,” Shane replies. “But we all think it’s for the best.”
I pull my hands from Conor and Liam’s. “So it’s decided then?”
“No, Red. It’s up to you,” Mikey replies but I see the looks that his brothers shoot him. It is decided, whether I like it or not.
“But none of you want to keep doing it?” I swallow as emotion balls in my throat.
“Jessie,” Shane cups my chin in his hand and turns my head so I can face him. “We don’t want you to keep on doing those tests every day and putting so much pressure on yourself to get pregnant, but we do want to keep trying for a baby. We all still want this with you, but just with a little less pressure. Tell me you understand that,” he frowns.
“I understand,” I whisper and the room is full of silent tension, because this hurts me and I can’t explain why.
“Cake?” Mikey offers in a desperate attempt to lighten the mood.
I force a smile. “Sure.”
Chapter 10
Shane
We’ve been back from the lake house for two days and Jessie has stopped with the ovulation testing. I know that she wanted to continue, but I hope in time she sees that it’s the best for all of us if we take our feet off the gas a little. It’s not like we fuck her much less when she’s not ovulating anyway.
I look up from my computer screen to see her walking into my office and closing the door.
“Something wrong?” I look behind her at the door. She rarely closes it, no matter what we’re doing.
“I wanted to talk to you about something,” she says, biting her lip as she takes a seat opposite me. It’s not the sexy lip biting she does, either, but the one when she’s feeling anxious about something. It makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. An anxious Jessie is never a good thing.
I close my laptop and rest my hands on top of it as I look at her, trying to read her mind so I can be prepared for whatever bombshell she’s about to drop, because she looks to be in that kind of mood. She stares back at me, her bright blue eyes fixed on mine as I give her my full, undivided attention.
“What is it?” I ask.
She sucks in a deep breath before she speaks, another sign that she is nervous. “I’ve been thinking about the baby thing.”
I try to keep my face neutral as I groan inwardly. I’d been wondering when she’d bring this up and I suppose two days of her not doing that was more than I’d hoped for. Every month when her period arrives I watch her get upset and disappointed, but each month her disappointment grows deeper, and because I know her so well, I see the feelings of guilt creeping in too. Not that she has anything at all to feel guilty about, but there’s no telling her that.
I lean forward slightly. “What about it?”
“About why it hasn’t happened yet,” she whispers.
“Because it takes time,” I remind her.
“I know that, but…” she swallows hard as though the words are lodged in her throat.
