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Somewhere public. Somewhere I won’t be able to put my hands on her curvy body. I want to touch her right here, but the idea of anybody else seeing my virgin filled with lust chews me up inside.
“Let’s find a café,” I say, standing up. She follows suit.
We walk together through the mall. My instincts keep me close to her. I almost reach out and place my hand on her back to hold her gently. Any second, one of Ryan’s friends could see us, a college professor, somebody who knows that Molly and he were in a relationship. The world is such a goddamn joke.
Leaving the mall, I guide her to my car. “I can bring you back to get yours,” I say.
The look in her eyes is heartbreaking. It’s like she thinks I’m some on-the-edge animal, not in a good way, but she nods and follows me.
I open the passenger-side door for her. She brushes past me. Her body touches mine, just for a second. Hunger grips me, my manhood stiffening. My head swims with all the things I want and need to do with her,toher.
Sitting beside her, I don’t start the engine right away. I watch as a family walks across the lot. The dad has his daughter on his shoulders, the son toddling next to them, holding the mother’s hands.
“Are you thinking about…” she trails off. I know what she’s asking, though.Ryan.
“No,” I tell her honestly. “I was thinking about what it would be like to have more children.”
She gasps quietly. I know this is wrong. I should stop. Every step I’ve taken has been wrong. “You want more?” she asks.
I nod and glance at her. She’s looking up at me with those wide, beautiful eyes. “I always wanted more than one child, but things with Ryan’s mom weren’t easy.”
“Relationships are hard,” Molly says. “Not that I have much experience. In fact, Ryan was my first real boyfriend.”
She emphasizes Ryan’s name, leaning forward slightly as she says it like a challenge. She wants me to know she won’t let me forget that I told her this can’t work. Whatever I say, I can’t take those words back. I meant them. No, Ishouldhave meant them.
“Your first boyfriend,” I say, “and he treated you like that. It must’ve given you a pretty shitty idea of relationships.”
My fist is clenched against my thigh. It’s like being torn down the middle, knowing I’d do anything to protect my woman from the darkness of this world, killing any man who hurt her, and knowing that myson, my only child, is the one who did it.
“How’s he doing, anyway?” she asks.
“Why do you care?” I reply, sounding petty and pathetic, even to myself.
“I don’t, honestly,” she says.
I smirk. I can’t help it. Her tone is getting that sassy twinge despite everything. “Then why ask?”
“I guess I need to remind you…”
I get it. It’s just what I thought. Maybe that’s a good thing. Otherwise, I’ll forget and kiss her, hold her. It hurts how badly I want to touch my woman.
“I know. I need to be a good boy, don’t I?” I smirk again, but she turns away and looks at the parking lot.
“Do you think they’re happy?” she says, nodding to the family. They’re waiting in line to pay for their parking.
“They look happy,” I reply. “Having a wife you really love. Having a family who never has to experience what it’s like to go through therealdarkness. Children should have adversity and challenges they can manage, but it’s a parent’s job to keep them away from the sickness in this world.”
“I agree,” she says, her voice cracking, emotion entering it.
I can’t stop. Or maybe I could if I really tried. I can’t eventrywhen her voice has so much sadness. Reaching over, I place my hand on hers. She lets out a cute, short breath. For a second, she tenses up like she’s going to pull her hand away, but then she holds onto mine.
“What were you thinking just then?” I ask.
“You still haven’t told me what thebutis,” she counters. “That’s the reason we came somewhere private, remember? You said you want me, but…”
“Isn’t it obvious?” I say.
“Yeah, Ryan. So why did we need to be someplace private for that?”
