Page 32 of Jonas

"You have to admit this is a little different," Declan says. "The two of you haven't even been on a date."

"What does that have to do with wanting to marry her?"

They exchange glances, then Kade answers. "I guess it's just the way it goes. You get to know each other, then figure out if you love each other."

Their logic makes my head hurt. ”Micah was in love with Holly before they dated. Colton loved Evie almost right away. Declan and Cara loved each other without going on a date."

Kade scowls and opens his mouth, then closes it. "You have a fucking point," he mutters, making my brothers laugh.

"Why Jonas?" Ransom asks calmly, pinning me with a stare. "Can you just explain why you want to go straight to marriage? Don't give me that bullshit about wanting to protect her. We can do that anyway, and you damned well know it. So please, why are you doing it this way?"

I step away from the table, backing up until I'm out of the circle. They all turn to look at me, like an actor on a stage. Sometimes I feel like an actor playing a part. The part of brother, CFO, or boss. "Why do I need to justify my decisions to you?" I ask quietly, staring at Ransom's chest.

"You don't have to," he says flatly. "But we're family, and sometimes, your family has to call you out on your shit. You're a grown man. I know that. But Janey...Janey's under my protection. So you tell me why I should be okay with this."

"You're worried about her? Do you think I'll hurt her?" My heart races. "I would never raise a hand to her in anger."

Ransom steps forward, reaching for me. I shake my head and back up. I don't want to be touched right now. He stops, and drops his hand. "I know that." He pounds his fist on his chest. "I know it! It is not about that. I want to support you, brother. I do. Just...help me understand. Please."

All the doubt and frustration and anger I'm feeling, feel like a marching band in my head, muffling everything. Ransom's please cuts through the chaos. I drop my head and take ten deep breaths. My brothers wait patiently.

I guess there's no hurry.

Maverick's Judge friend is doing this as a favor. I think we're making a pretty big donation to a charity in her daughter's memory, but I don't know the details. We could have used The Judge, the one that we own now, the one that made Cara's life a living hell conspiring with the D.A., but I don't want him anywhere near this day. So we have a nice judge, who's back in her office watching her 'shows' while we sort ourselves out.

One day, we'll have a real wedding. When her brother isn't a worry, and when she loves me back. When she can walk down the aisle toward me, and I can see the love she has for me shining on her face. But for now, this will do.

"I am not an easy person," I say, letting my eyes drift across Ransom's face. His lips tighten, but he doesn't interrupt. "I am awkward, and I do not say the right thing at the right time. I am not built for dating. But if Janey is married to me, I have time. I can learn to be a husband to her. I can learn how to make her happy."

Ransom sighs and drops his head, rubbing the back of his neck. "Okay," he says with a big breath out. "But brother, I'm worried about you. We all know how you feel for her. What if she doesn't return your feelings at the end of a year."

I shrug, and meet his eyes. "Then it will hurt. But I already hurt. Every day that she's not with me, there's an ache deep in my chest. At least this way, I have a chance. I do not think that she would give me one otherwise. She sees the distance between us, not the similarities."

"Jonas," Micah says, then lifts his hands to sign. I love watching him sign. It looks odd, for such a big man to be able to make his hands dance like he does. "I think she would give you a chance, with enough time. But sometimes, getting a woman in your space and showing them how things could be is a smart idea. I didn't plan to have Holly stay with me. That building fire gave me an opening and I took it. You're creating your own opportunity, and I don't have a problem with it. You'll take care of her. And if you don't, we'll all be there to kick your fucking ass."

My brothers echo him. 'Yup', 'damned right' and 'it's a plan', seem to sum up their feelings. The heavy feeling in the air dissipates. They're on board. Now, I just have to convince the bride. I start for the big double doors at the back of the courtroom, but it opens before we get there. Cara, Holly, Becca, and Maya all walk in. They give me smiles and thumbs up.

"Colton, you're up big guy," Cara says as she settles back in the front row. Colton hops up and runs out of the room.

This is happening.

I don't know what they said or how they convinced her to go through with this, but I am grateful. And watching Janey walk down the aisle toward me is better than I imagined. The white dress she's wearing, the same one Evie wore to get married, fits her snugly, highlighting her curves. I run through the first hundred digits of PI, trying to calm my body down. I like the way she looks in that dress. A lot. I just wish she didn't look so nervous.

I know that we are going to be okay. I feel it. But I understand her nerves, even if I don't feel the same. I'm an unknown. We are an unknown. But nobody will ever love her more than I do. Nobody will ever try harder than I will.

It will be enough.

When she finally gets to me, I hold out my hands. Her gaze searches my face. She nods minutely and deliberately puts her hands in mine. It feels like exactly what it is. A commitment. In that moment, we make a promise to each other. The words we exchange are for everyone else.

Zach, standing behind me, gives me a little nudge in the back each time it's my turn to speak. I'm hearing the judge's words, but not really processing them. All I can focus on is Janey, and the way her hand trembles in mine. Her voice, when she repeats the vows, is strong. Anyone hearing her would say she's confident and sure.

But her hands give her away.

So I hold her tight, and try to tell her with my whole face that I've got her. She doesn't run screaming out of the room, so I must have done okay.

"You may kiss," the judge says. Janey's eyes widen, then she squares her shoulders. I've been waiting for this moment, but now that it's here, I'm doubting myself.

I lower my head to hers and whisper in her ear, "I can kiss you on the cheek. Your pace, remember?" I feel her nod, and her exhale of breath. Her shoulders drop and she leans her cheek against mine briefly. I'm sorry I won't get the kiss, but I'm glad to do something right for her. That's what this marriage has to be, me putting her needs first.

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