AllFreeNovel
Share Us
"It's not the same, though," I say. "You worried about his world. You never worried that you might not be enough."
"I did," Evie and Holly say in unison. They smile at each other, a smile of shared pain and sadness. Their connection goes back years, before these men and this penthouse. Back to when Holly was Hannah, and married to an abusive man. And to when Evie, a nurse, helped her escape. Their friendship was literally life or death for Holly.
Holly leans back, eyes on Evie. Evie's hands stop their massage as she stares down at the floor. "I had all the insecurities," she murmurs.
"You're one of the most capable people I've ever met. You're actually scary capable," I tell her. Something about her makes you want to say yes ma'am when she talks, but not in a bitchy way. More in a this woman will get us through this in one piece way. The guys seem to love it when she talks to them like that.
She shrugs, and meets my gaze. "I had everything ripped away from me." Holly opens her mouth, and Evie glares at her, but her warmth shines through. "Don't you dare say you're sorry. It's not your fault your ex-husband is a shitty human being." She presses a kiss to Holly's knee, and both their eyes fill with tears.
She shakes herself off, and focuses on me. "I felt nearly worthless by the time I met Colton. I felt...old and worn out. Other than being Mia's mom, I was failing every other part of my life. So I just...faked it, I suppose. But that didn't erase all that self-doubt."
"What did?" I ask quietly.
She strokes her eyebrow, eyes looking hazy. “I don't know if it was any one thing. Colton’s love and being able to see myself through his eyes was a part of it, for sure. But a big part was getting my nursing job here. I needed to be in an environment where I felt needed and capable. Once I felt like I could stand on my own two feet again, then I could open myself up to being loved." She scrunches up her face. "The doubt isn't all gone. I still have insecurities, but I won't allow them to sabotage all the good things in my life."
The sudden shout from the kitchen grabs our attention. John, holding a very large knife, has turned on Colton. "If you don't get the fuck out of this kitchen, I'm going to end up back in prison for murder."
Kade grabs Colton around the neck and hauls him out of the kitchen. Evie sighs and, with a pat to Holly's feet, stands. "I better go entertain him for a while. He's been pretty high-strung since the call from the prison. Plus, you know...food."
She wanders off, her still mostly full glass dangling from her fingertips, her long auburn hair shining as she steps through pools of late afternoon sunlight. She's stunning. As she passes John with a nod, I catch a look on his face that makes me rise to my feet. "Please excuse me. Thank you for the talk."
I don't wait to hear their responses, instead moving to the kitchen, circling the island to stand next to John. “You holding up okay?”
Staring down at the stovetop, and the huge pot of potatoes he just placed there, he nods. "Yeah." He doesn't expand, and I don't ask. I'm overwhelmed with all the busyness. But if I had just gotten out of prison, would this kind of chaos be welcome or scary? His nerves must be all over the place.
"How is your pain level? Would you like me to run down and get any of your meds?"
"Nah. I took a couple of pain pills. I'm good. I don't want to take those other ones. They make my head fuzzy."
"I imagine being clear headed has been a survival skill for you for a long time."
He side eyes me. "It's a survival skill for anyone." I give him a look, and his mouth twists. "You always have to be alert, even at night. It's different when you're in your own cell, but sometimes we get knocked down to the housing units. Then you're always on guard."
I pick up a huge wooden spoon on the counter, and carefully stir the potatoes. "I know what you mean. I spent a few weeks in a shelter. Some nights I'd be woken up by screaming or people trying to pull my bag out from under my head. It got so I couldn't relax anywhere."
"You were homeless?" There's some curiosity but no judgment in his voice. Maybe it's knowing where he came from, but I find myself wanting to tell him everything. So I do. It all spews out. The dating app, Keith, all of it.
"Fuck. That guy is a piece of shit. Did they track him down yet?"
"No. And I don't really want them to. I don't want to revisit it. I'd rather move on."
"And just forget it ever happened? How's that work?"
"I haven't figured it out yet."
Mouth tight, stitches pulling at his skin, he carefully turns the burner up, then leans against the counter. The noise of a dozen-plus people talking and laughing in the background gives us a sense of privacy. Like everyone's so busy in their little world, they're not paying attention to us.
"Look, I ain't one to give advice, but in my experience, just letting something go doesn't work. It's normal to need some sort of closure. That might look different for you, than for me. But if someone fucked me over the way he did to you, I'd need to have...words with him."
I tilt my head and study him, well aware he's not talking about an actual conversation. "I don't want to hurt him. I don't want him to have any effect on my life at all. I think, sometimes, It's okay to just forgive, and let things go."
"Maybe, but what happens to the next woman he does that shit to? Think she'll have a bunch of rich people around to rescue her?"
I drop my eyes, reality dropping over me like a thousand-pound weight. I never once thought about him doing it again. I thought it was just me. He saw an opportunity and took it. But of course he's done this before. He was too smooth, too practiced, for this to be his first time.
John's mouth twists, and he winces in pain. "Hey. Don't listen to me. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, ok?"
"I think you know a lot," I tell him quietly, seeing the shadows lying beneath his tough facade. "And you're right. Jonas rescued me. I'm really lucky." That word, rescued, brings a sour taste to my mouth. I put on a smile, and clap my hands. "They're keeping Colton occupied. So how about you put me to work? I can be your sous-chef."
