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Until I turn the corner into the break room and spot her.
3
JANEY
I wish I were taller. I wish for a lot of things, but right this minute, taller is the big one. I reach up, straining, and my fingertips just brush the wrapper.
I don't have time to judge myself for my choices anymore. Or wish that I had never met Keith. My focus has to be on making it to tomorrow. And through the holidays. And this granola bar is going to help me do that.
If I could just reach the freaking thing.
Christmas has never been my favorite time of year. When you grow up like I did, with a parent who was never sober, and a brother who wasn't always nice, holidays were scary. Going to school, even if I was usually behind, was still better than being at home. At school, I got breakfast and lunch. I got to be in a warm classroom. I had teachers that smiled at me.
At home, I didn't have any of that.
I thought I had left that insecurity behind. I thought, finally, I could have something better. As the last month flashes through my mind, with every stupid mistake I made, I have to choke back a sob. Crying won't get me anywhere.
It sure won't make me tall enough to reach this stupid granola bar.
I imagine my vertebrae stretching, pulling, giving me just that little bit of length I need to —.
His scent hits me a second before the warmth of his body is pressed against me. Some of my bosses smell like fancy cologne or hair gel. They smell rich. But not him. Not Jonas. He smells like cinnamon. His big, square hand brushes mine as he reaches into the cabinet and pulls out a handful of granola bars. I freeze, letting myself enjoy his warmth, just for a second. I've been cold for a month.
Maybe longer.
The second over, I put on a neutral mask, clear my throat, and step to the side. Bracing myself, I turn to face him.
As always, his eyes are locked on me. From the day Colton brought me into the office with all of them and offered me this job in HR, he's looked at me. Like I'm a puzzle he's trying to solve.
Wait. That's not fair. He did look at me like a puzzle. But lately, the look has shifted into something else. Something that makes the back of my neck tingle.
Something that could never be.
Jonas raises his hand, clutching nearly a dozen granola bars. "Hi, Janey. Here." He holds them out to me and carefully drops them into my cupped palms.
"T...thank you, Jonas. I almost had them."
He grins, the corners of his eyes creasing. He's been so serious lately, the sight of his smile steals my breath.
"You almost had a corner of one. Maybe we should get you a stool," he says cheerily. Then he pops his hands in his pockets and rocks back and forth as he studies me.
It didn't bother me before, the way he would look at me. His curiosity never bothered me. His abruptness didn't either. I liked everything about him.
I still do, but I wish he weren't so observant. It's making everything so much harder for me lately.
He sees too much.
I give him a weak smile, and carefully drop the granola bars into the plastic bag I have open on the counter, then stare down into it. This is stealing. I know that. Sure, it's some snacks, some fruit, and a few bottles of water. But they're not supposed to go home.
I should know. I read the company policies. 'Snacks will be provided to all staff, and are to be consumed during work hours.'
But some days, these snacks are the only things I eat. And now, with more than a week before I set foot in this building again, I don't know what I'm going to do.
Biting my lip, willing the tears in my eyes to dry quickly, I try and think of an explanation. "I am—.”
"We are trimming the tree today,” he says abruptly. “That doesn't mean cut it." Distracted from my admittedly pathetic excuse, I look at his expectant face.
"That sounds wonderful. Will everyone be there?"
