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JANEY
I hold Holly's arm as she carefully lowers herself to the mat. Her sigh is long, heavy, and exhausted. I have no idea why she's still coming to these self-defense classes. Not just coming, but fully participating. If I was as pregnant as she is, I'd be sitting on the couch under a blanket watching Hallmark movies.
Her hand rubs her stomach and she winces. "He's kicking. I swear I'm going to end up peeing my pants one of these days. It's like he's aiming for my bladder."
"It's a boy?"
She wrinkles up her nose and shrugs. "I don't know. But the kicking is aggressive, so I'm guessing boy. Micah wants a girl."
"That's unusual, isn't it? Don't most men want sons?"
Holly leans back on her hands and stretches her swollen feet in front of her, idly flexing them. "I think a certain kind of man wants sons. I think really good men, men who are excited about being fathers, would be happy with a healthy baby, and don't care about the gender." Her voice turns low, and introspective. "Brent would care."
Yes, I suppose her abusive ex would care. "Maybe spending the next twenty years in prison will give him a new perspective."
A small smile curls her lips. "Maybe."
Becca and Bree drop onto the mats with us. The rest of the people from the class have cleared out, leaving just the four of us in the room. I haven't come to that many, but it seems to me like they're becoming more popular. The class was packed.
"They'll have to move you to a bigger room," I say, smiling at Becca.
She grins and leans back, matching Holly's posture. "Yep. Turns out, women love to learn how to kick men's asses." She looks out the glass wall, at the room full of sweaty men. "The scenery might have a little something to do with it."
A little? Probably more than a little. There are a lot of men out there, Brash men, most of them dressed in white pajama-like outfits, pulling on each other's clothes, and wrestling around on the ground. It's very watchable.
Jonas is among them, not wearing a suit though. Nope, he's in a pair of the smallest, tightest shorts I've ever seen him wear. I heard more than one of the women in the class comment on him, and his body. I wanted to yell, tell them to get their eyes off my husband. I also wanted to brag that he was mine. But in the end, I did neither. Just silently stewed.
What kind of wife does that?
"Earth to Janey," Bree says, waving her hand in my face. I shake off the gloomy thoughts, and put on a smile.
"Sorry, I was distracted."
She smiles. "It's okay. I was just asking how things were going with you and Jonas?"
Something in her tone makes images of last night flash through my mind. Jonas, mouth pressed to mine, working between my thighs. The way he nearly fell off the bed when I finally wrapped my mouth around him.
I can't stop it. The heat washes across my chest, up my neck, and straight to my cheeks. I can't look anyone in the eye. Holly smiles and looks down, picking imaginary lint off her pants. Becca cackles and points at me.
"I guess things are going well," Bree says, fighting her grin.
"They're good. Great. Really great," I mumble.
"What's really great?" Maya asks, back from the bathroom. She's got her hair in a messy bun on the top of her head, and a t-shirt with handprints strategically placed over her boobs with the words 'honk, honk' underneath.
Becca points at me again. "Janey and Jonas have been fornicating!"
Maya tilts her head and studies me, then looks past me toward the men. Colton has his legs wrapped around one of his brothers' heads. Colton's thighs are thick, so I can't actually tell which brother he's caught. "I should hope so. That's one of the best parts of being in a relationship. That, and having a best friend. I really like that part too."
Her words drop like rocks in my stomach. I've never had a best friend. Having someone in your corner, someone to confide in just wasn't in the cards for me. I'd talk to girls, but it was mostly about me listening to them. Though, to be fair, I'm not sure I really tried that hard. Letting someone see you is hard. "I don't think I've been a good friend. I'm not best friend material."
Maya frowns at me. "What do you mean? You're a great friend."
"I don't think I am," I say quietly, rushing on before she can object. "Not to Jonas. Other friendships, even the ones with you, aren't the same. It's easier with all of you. Easier to know what to say, and who to be for you."
"You mean we're easier to manage," Holly says simply. There's no judgment on her face, and that gives me the strength to nod.
"Up until now, I've just had to be there for you. To support you and help you in any way I could. I know how to do that. I've been doing that my whole life. I'm good at it."
