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"Maybe," he says with a shrug. "Or think of it this way. The person you want to be? This future version of you? What would she do right now?"
"Well, shit." She sure as hell wouldn't be wallowing in the mud the way I seem to be. She wouldn't spend so much time thinking of what could have happened. She'd be grateful for every breath.
John laughs and pushes to his feet. "You'll be okay, kid. You're through the worst of it, you just have a little more road to travel." He nods before pushing open his door, closing it quietly behind him.
Yoda's my next-door neighbor. Who knew?
But seriously, he's right. I survived the worst thing I could have imagined. And letting my brain and body stay back there is getting me nowhere. So what do I really want? I don't want Cara hovering over me, worrying anymore. I don't want her putting her life on hold.
But what do I want for me? I want to feel strong. I want to feel safe. I want to feel like a literal badass.
I stand and wipe my sweaty palms on my pants. No more time to sit around.
I have shit to do.
16
BREE
I take a deep breath, then another. This being the person I want to be stuff is a little harder than it seemed last night, but I'm determined. I open my bedroom door and see exactly what I expected. Cara, looking absolutely put together and perfect, sitting at the table drinking her coffee.
She looks up with a smile. "Hey, little Bee."
I smile back, and giving into the urge, cross to her, lean down and hug her tightly. Her breath catches in her throat, and her arms come around me tightly. "I love you," I whisper in her ear.
There's no delay. No hesitation. "I love you so much, Bee," she says, squeezing me even tighter.
We hold each other a little longer, longer than we normally would. Then finally, we pull away. Cara blinks quickly, fanning her face as she laughs. I help myself to a cup of coffee, adding enough sugar and cream to mask the taste, and join her at the table.
We've lived a lot of life around this table. I'm sure the guys would have given us a new one, but neither one of us could bear to part with it. This table has been the setting for late night study sessions, early morning bitch fests. It's seen tears and laughter, and a lot of truly excellent spaghetti dinners. It's a part of us.
"What's your day like today?" I ask her, smiling as she describes what I guess is a normal workday for her, kicking butt and taking names at Brash. "What about later? Are you and Declan getting together?"
Her smile dies. "Do you need me? I can tell him to find something else to do tonight. Did you want to watch a movie? Or...?"
This right here is exactly what has to stop. Time to put phase one of the New Bree plan into effect. "Actually, I have plans with a friend. I thought maybe we'd come back here if you and Declan were at his place."
I have to blink as she literally glows with joy. "No, that's totally fine. We were going to this Brazilian place for dinner. Declan's been talking non-stop about the bottomless meat, so I caved. Doesn't sound that exciting to me, but..." She shrugs, like going out for never ending meat is just something you have to do to keep a relationship strong. Not something I'd considered, but okay.
"Sounds fun I guess?" I laugh, and she grins at me, and for that moment, everything else is forgotten. We're just two sisters laughing about boyfriends. I want more of this.
"We were down a player last night. I called Nick to come and play."
Her eyes widen comically. "No! Oh my god, how did that go?"
"Great actually. He hadn't played in a long time, but he's a natural of course."
She snorts. "Of course he is. Because these men can't just be gorgeous, they also have to be good at everything else."
"Except cooking," I remind her.
She cackles. "Right. There is that." She glances at her watch and frowns. "I have to go."
I nod, taking a sip of my coffee, waiting until she's about to walk out the door. "By the way. Nick got hurt last night. We spent a while in the ER with him, hopped up on morphine. Drugged up Nick is very chatty. He made sure to tell me he likes the way my boobs bounce when I jump."
Cara's mouth drops open as she absorbs my words. Her reaction doesn't disappoint. She drops her purse, and throws her head back, howling with laughter. She grips the edge of the door for support as her laughter rings out. "Oh, my god. Today is going to be so fun! He's such a man whore."
"Man whore?"
