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“Look, any guy who says he doesn’t like Taylor Swift is a liar.”
Clapping my hands quickly, she laughed at my antics. I felt her take some of her bricks down on that very high wall she had built. Perhaps my plan of sticking us into a car together was working.
“Can I ask,” turning the volume down as the song ended and I bit my tongue wondering if I should even ask.
“How did Luke die?”
I waited, thinking she was going to tell me to piss off and we would have to turn the car around. I knew I had just changed the whole tone for the ride as we had just been dancing moments ago, but I had been wanting to ask for a while now.
“He had a Cardiac Sarcoma,” she paused looking out the window again, “It’s a rare type of tumor in the heart. And would you believe it, that’s not what killed him.” She laughed awkwardly, as if she had gone through this entire conversation before.
“He had the surgery and they removed it, it was benign, but then he bled out on the table… They couldn’t get him back.”
She said it as if it had just happened, her voice filled with sorrow, and I knew she was trying desperately not to cry. I kicked myself for asking as I had now ruined what would have been perhaps a nice day.
“I did get a chance to say goodbye though before they took him up to surgery. There was a chance he wouldn’t make it as the tumor was sitting in one of the chambers of his heart. My parents and my brother's fiancée sat with me in the waiting room, it was nearly ten hours later when the doctors came in. But I already knew. I felt it minutes before they came upstairs to find us.”
She stopped again and if I was able to pull over, I would have and given her a hug, but the highway had no bays, and I didn’t think she’d actually want a hug. How was I going to lighten the mood. I had no idea.
“You know, I always feel sorry for the doctors when they have to say they did everything they could, and the relatives get angry. I knew they tried everything, it's their job to do no harm and to protect life, but as my mom put it, God decided he needed Luke back and so he collected him.”
“Fuck God!”
I shouted, not realizing my thoughts had been said out loud and she looked at me surprised.
“Sorry, I know your family are believers, but I can’t believe in something, or someone, that willingly takes loved ones away.”
She huffed a laugh, and I wasn’t sure if it was because of my outburst or if she was feeling uncomfortable. A conversation about religion wasn’t one anyone really enjoyed, unless it was with other people who believed as you did.
“It’s alright, you are allowed to believe what you choose to. I believe God did take him and he’s no longer in pain. Those last weeks with him were hard and I knew he tried so desperately to hold on, hold on for me. I’m very lucky I got to spend the time I did with him.”
I wanted to shout at her a little then, as it didn’t seem fair when she deserved more time with her husband. He meant so much to her, I could see it as she spoke of him, how it broke her up inside. And even if she despised me and was only putting up with me for the time being, I still wanted her to feel that she could talk to me.
“I am sorry you lost him, Kim. I’m sure he was a great guy, and you don’t deserve this pain.”
“He was a wonderful man.”
“Maybe you can tell me about him sometime.”
“Yeah, maybe sometime.”
The car ride was pretty silent from there on. I hated how I had destroyed a pretty chilled ride by asking such a morbid and unhappy question. I had my fingers and toes crossed for when we arrived at Caulfeild, hoping the atmosphere and the change of scenery would help. Knowing I had to keep my head down as well was going to be tough. I was sure there would be some sort of paparazzi hiding behind a bush of some kind if the shop had given word to the media I was coming.
CHAPTER 8
Kimberly
Once we passed the sign for Caulfeild, I felt the tension in my shoulders relax slightly. We had been quiet for the last ten minutes and of course, it was my doing. Sharing how Luke died hurt my heart, but I had a feeling Sam would eventually ask me. I didn’t think so soon into our journey, but part of me didn’t mind telling him.
“So, my brother told me he and Beth have decided on Christmas colors, reds, golds, greens, etc.” I finally spoke, breaking the silence.
Trying to finally change the subject, I knew Sam wouldn’t have been able to really say anything after my last words. Luke was a wonderful man and truly he would take my breath away with everything he did. Eventually I would be able to start talking about him again and not his illness.
“Oh, cool, the shop should have something I'm sure, that would fit that theme as well as something for you, maybe.”
“I think we may only end up shopping for you.”
“You never know, you might see something you like.”
