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He loves me.
I can’t help but wait for the punchline.
Lucas’s face softens. “You used to be so confident when we were kids.”
“Yeah, well it disappeared somewhere between the day you stopped talking to me for no reason, and that time you and your friends pointed and laughed at my legs in the boys’ bathroom.”
Lucas slumps. “I’m sorry, Charlie. I can’t tell you how much I despise myself for all those things I did. I wish I could take it back. I wish I never hurt you, I wish I stayed your friend. I know words can’t make up for anything, but I’m so, so sorry. I regret it every day.” He squeezes his eyes closed. “You used to be so bright and shiny, but after that day in Year 7, you grew quieter and quieter, and it’s all my fault, I know it is. I wish I’d done everything differently. I hope you believe me.”
I stare at him, unable to form a response.
“The thing is, if you saw yourself the way I see you, you wouldn’t care about what other people think. You think everyone wants me, but if they really knew me, they wouldn’t. I’m not a good person. I’ve done so many stupid things, you know that. If people knew you, they’d want you. I’m the one who should be scared of you being stolen away. I won’t let you, of course. I’d love you better than anyone else. And I know you have no reason to trust me, and I know I have a terrible track record, but if you just gave me a chance —” He cuts himself off to take a deep breath, and his cheeks have pinked as if he’s gone on a run.
I touch his hair. His soft, beautiful hair.
“Kiss me?” I whisper.
His eyes widen and he leans forward, resting his forehead against my thigh. “I’m sick.”
“I don’t care.”
His hand curls around my ankle, soft and possessive at the same time. “I do. I’m not getting you sick. I’m not harming you ever again.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Lucas
Age 19
Charlie accidentally fell asleep in my bed. I’m keeping my distance, almost falling off the edge, because I don’t want him to catch my flu. When I look at him, my insides melt. I wish I could curl up around him, like a dragon protecting its treasure. I can’t stop staring at him.
He’s so beautiful.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Now
Lucas recovers by Thursday, which means he makes it to his final class of the semester. As for me, my week’s been packed with my last classes in which we ask the tutor a hundred questions about the upcoming exams.
Friday evening, Lucas accompanies me to the supermarket, and we buy groceries for the upcoming week. We both plan to study morning to night during SWOTVAC, which doesn’t give us a lot of time for errands, and we plan out our meals.
“This’ll make us smarter,” I say, picking up a pack of smoked salmon and placing it into the trolley Lucas is pushing. “It’s brain food, you know.”
Lucas chuckles. “You know what else will make you smarter?”
“I sense that’s a trick question.”
“Work out with me.”
“Why, am I looking too scrawny?” I mutter.
“No,” Lucas says, nudging my side. “Of course not.”
“Uh-huh,” I say, my attention on the display of meat before me.
“You’re perfect the way you are,” Lucas continues.
I already know my face is turning red.
