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When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I hoped it would be worded safely enough, when I asked, “Did anyone get hurt when I left?”
Lydia looked up from the medical book she read at her desk. I should probably ask them to teach me to read. I bet they would. She shook her head. “Not really. Don’t worry about it.” Her smile was tight. I wondered what she couldn’t say aloud. “Clarke is always fair and understanding, even when we make big, nearly unforgivable mistakes.”
Cambree visibly rolled her eyes, and it was hard for me to hold back my laughter. Okay, fair enough. My “flu” was coming to an end. Someone could still select me from the book of available whores, then I’d be called upon to work for Clarke again.
Did Lydia have anything that could end my life? Was I willing to consider suicide? No, not yet. Just a fleeting thought, really. Something to wonder about. If Peter Alpin hadn’t changed, I wouldn’t be long for the universe anyway. I rubbed my face. I was scared, and I’d reached a point where I didn’t mind the other women knowing.
Cambree got up and she hugged me. It was so surprising; I almost didn’t hug her back, but then I did. She’d brought me back to the prison, but she was as much a cellmate as me. I had experienced weeks of happiness. Cambree never did. Lydia watched us with visible tears in her eyes.
The enhanced could probably hear we were upset. They wouldn’t understand it, since tears didn’t register as sensible, so they mostly left us alone with them. Amias could have explained it to them . I looked over at the cryo tanks stacked up against each other. I couldn’t see inside of them, but he was in one of them. My brother, too. I’d keep it together for them and for the four guys who would want me to survive. I’d do it for me. I was worth something to this galaxy. I just didn’t know what yet.
I’d figure it out. This wouldn’t be my forever.
The internal pep talk helped. I would do whatever I needed for however long I had to, one way or another.
* * *
My belief in my abilities fled when the call happened. Lydia answered the ring on her tablet and turned to me. “Yes, she can go. Thank you.”
She was pale as she regarded me. “There’s a client here to see you. They want you to go.”
I nodded, my pulse skyrocketing and my stomach hurting instantly. I really didn’t want to go. Sex was private and should be consensual. I didn’t want to do it on a view screen so Clarke could make more money off me.
Maybe Amias was right. Maybe I should have gone out in a blaze of glory like he did. Or like he’d tried to do, since he was frozen and might never be awake again.
I wiped at my few stray tears and steeled my back. Okay. This was happening.
I left Lydia’s med rooms and headed to the dressing area. Four other women made preparations for similar meetings. We never looked at each other in these rooms, like we gave each other privacy while we still could.
But for once, I intended to break some protocol. “I think you’re all amazing.” There I’d said it. “Strong and beautiful.”
All four of them turned to me with equal surprise on their faces. I didn’t expect responses, and I didn’t get any, beyond baffled expressions. I hadn’t broken a rule, since Clarke wouldn’t care.
I changed, looking at the tablet in the room as I did. It usually said the name and information of the guy we would service. I didn’t know the one who claimed me—a Timothy Erad. I couldn’t see more than his name. Okay, Timothy, please don’t be too awful. Was I praying to the universe? Maybe. Would it make a difference? Never had before.
I put on my uniform—a sparse brown knit with holes intended to reveal my bare skin beneath the dress. I wasn’t to wear underwear and didn’t have any to put on anyway. Instead, I pulled my hair into the braids they required we wear and slid into the brown heels to match the outfit. We all looked the same for our clients. Regardless of our height or figure, the outfit made us all look wanting and available.
Tonight, it made my skin itch.
Two of the women in the dressing room had already left when I went to meet Timothy, but one had remained. “I think you’re amazing, too,” she whispered.
I smiled at her. Maybe we weren’t too broken. Maybe we can live through tonight and still have souls tomorrow?
Steeling my spine, I walked down the hall, listening to my shoes click on the hard floor. Amias once told me babies could recognize their mother’s footsteps coming down the hall. Did we ever stop and listen to our own footsteps? To think about where we’d been and where we might someday go? Tonight, I have to do this. Tomorrow, who knew where my feet would take me?
I was practically an optimist.
My shaking hands betrayed my confidence as I opened the door to meet Timothy. I sucked in a breath.
“Hello, Timothy.” I didn’t look at him yet. They liked it when our eyes were on the floor. “I’m here for your pleasure tonight.”
“Uh, hello,” the voice answered me. Okay. It might be his first time, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t be a disaster for me.
I lifted my gaze and almost fell backward in shock. JoHanna’s father? The man whose daughter I saved from poison looked mildly horrified as he gazed back at me from across the room.
His gaze went to the camera above my head, and if possible, he looked even paler. Okay. I shut the door. What is happening here? Did he want to fuck me? I never got that impression from him on his planet, where he seemed devoted to his wife and daughter. How did he even get off the planet, not to mention find his way to me?
A red light flashed, and he took a deep breath, holding up one of those devices again. They really were useful. “Twenty seconds until they notice they can’t hear you. All their cameras just went down. Come sit here. Wait. That is what they said to tell you. Sit here. Wait with me. Be safe.” He rushed through the words, his eyes rather frantic. “I was happy to help. You saved my daughter. I’m helping to save you and bring you home.”
