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She didn’t need to offer twice. We fell back onto the blanket and kissed her until we were both aching for more. I knew if I didn’t stop, we would take it further. But that wasn’t what she had said she had wanted. I cared too much about her to ignore her feelings.
I rolled over onto my back and brought her to lay beside me. With her head on my chest I said, “Next time I think you should bring two candies.”
She laughed. “Really? That’s what you’re thinking right now?”
“No. But I’m trying not to think about anything else,” I warned her.
She understood my meaning and then sat up. “Mark, I must ask. You said you needed to tell me something. What is it?”
I sat up and the moment we shared was gone. Time to voice what I’d been hiding all this time. “I haven’t told anyone yet and would like you to keep this between us.”
“Okay. What is it?”
“I’m not returning to college.”
She asked, “You mean not continuing to get your masters?”
“No. And I’m not pursuing a career as a doctor either,” I said.
“What have you decided to do?” she questioned.
This was the first time I was going to utter the words. It was going to change my life. But what scared me was what it might do to us.
“I’m...I’m joining the Marine Corps.”
“What?” She wasn’t prepared for that. Anyone who knew me wouldn’t be. It was so different from what anyone thought I’d choose to do.
“Yes. I’m following my father’s footsteps.”
“Mark, you never mentioned anything about that before. What made you change your mind now?” she asked.
“It isn’t something new. I wanted it even before I went to college. But my parents and the rest of my family all wanted me to be a doctor. I was living the life they all wanted for me. Not the one I wanted for myself,” I admitted.
She stared at me for a moment, then said, “I know that feeling very well.” Reaching out she took my hand in hers and said, “I’m proud of you for being able to follow your dreams.”
“You’re not upset that I’m leaving?” I asked.
“I never expected you to be staying.”
Ouch. She probably didn’t think how cold that sounded but it felt like a knife to me. But why would she have thought anything else? I never gave her a reason to.
“Adilyn, I’m leaving Winterberry Lodge, but not you. I...I will be gone for a while, but when I return, I’d like to return to you,” I said.
“What are you saying? You want to live at the lodge?”
“I don’t care where I live. I just want it to be with you. I know this is unexpected, but hasn’t everything been since we met?” I asked.
“Yes, but we are on different paths. I must stay here and help my parents get the lodge back in the black. And you...you’ll be off protecting our country somewhere. Neither of us can commit. At least not so far off into the future,” she stated.
“What are you saying?” I asked, afraid she was going to tell me we had no future.
“That you can’t be spending your time worrying about me. I will be okay. And when you get leave, I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere,” she said.
“I promise you, Adilyn, I’ll come back to you every chance I get.”
She kissed me and said, “I know you will.”
Could it be that simple? Was she understanding and accepting everything? That was great, but I wanted more, no needed more, at least on my part. Just not sure what that should be.
