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You are safe.
Ares is safe.
We’re okay.
I think about calling my therapist but I need to start dealing with these attacks on my own. I want to be there to see my brother get married and I know I need to stop being selfish and just do it for him but it feels as if just speaking about being back there, I’ll be taking steps back, steps back to the dark place I don't like to think about. The place where Ares was the only thing that kept me going.
After taking several steadying breaths I head back into the lounge, my stomach still in a painful knot.
“How is she? Is she getting nervous?” Hannah asks her phone.
“Yeah, fine. She was trying to convince me to come to the wedding.” That grabs her attention. She peers up, eyebrows raised. I shrug. “I'm going to speak to Enzo about it tonight.”
She locks her phone and her expression turns tense. “If you do decide to go, me and James will be with you the whole time. I won't leave your side if you need me.” If only that made me feel any better.
“Thanks, babe. I appreciate It.”
We finish packing and Hannah helps me load my car as Carms turns up in the SUV to help me with the rest of my boxes. Hannah gets a little emotional when we say goodbye and I have to remind her again I will still see her all the time and she can visit whenever she likes.
I say my last goodbyes to my room. This is the room I had when I first came to New York. The dent in the wall from when we struggled to move my bed in. The fire escape I would sit on and talk to Aleksy for hours. I was a totally different person when I moved here. I was carefree and vibrant but I was also immature, I don’t recognise that girl anymore. She and I are worlds apart. I miss her but maybe I’ll learn to like the new me even more.
∞
I'm in Ares’ new bedroom putting his clothes away in his new wardrobe. Julius is lying by the foot of the armchair watching me put little baby things on hangers. He's been giving me the cold shoulder since I got back from Colombia. He’s miffed I didn’t take him with me and no amount of pigs ears are getting me on his good side.
Luca comes in and looks around the room with his hands in his pockets.
“Have you come to offer some help?” I say teasingly.
Luca gives me a blank expression. “You want me to fold clothes?”
“Only if you do it properly.”
He makes a ‘mm’ sound. “Where's Ares?”
“He's with Enzo.” I’m pretty sure he went to buy a new car and told me it was ‘a boys day’. I found it adorable.
He nods and takes a seat on the armchair in the corner of the room, his elbows on his knees as he assesses the freshly painted walls. I chose a light grey with black accents. Did it myself too. Figured out painting is not a skill of mine, Fran however was very good at the cutting in. Julius doesn’t move, just lays there looking at me with judgement, I roll my eyes at him.
“I’m happy for my brother, you're good for him.” I try to mask my surprise. Luca doesn’t usually offer any conversation close to emotional. I wasn’t even sure Luca had emotions.
I peer at him sideways. “He means the world to me, you know?”
His cold grey gaze settles on mine and I hold it. He doesn't scare me anymore. Something like acceptance passes in his eyes before it's gone again. “I know. I see it. He was lost when you left. It was like you took all his good parts with you. But I understand why you left and I want to thank you for that. If he hadn’t gone through with the marriage to Isla it would have fucked everything up.” He sighs. “I would have backed my brother one hundred per cent, I always will but he was too blind to see the repercussions it would have brought to the whole family. As much as it wrecked him, I’m grateful you did it.”
A shred of pain flies through me. I stop folding the clothes, drop my hands in my lap and look at him again. “I won't ever leave him again.”
“I know you won't.” He says absolutely, head cocking to the side in an animalistic way and voice lowering a few octaves. “If you do, I’ll find you.”
My face pulls into a frown at his insinuation. His lips tug up into his signature twisted smile, his scar puckering and he sniffs a laugh. “Nah, but it’ll be alright calling you my sister.”
“Awh.” I grin. “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
Amusement dances in his grey eyes. “Don’t get used to it. That was a one-time thing.” He pushes himself up to his full height and leaves the room, passing Enzo in the doorway holding Ares to his chest. He's dressed in his usual Armani dress shirt and black trousers with the Salvatore Ferragamo belt I got him the other day. He glances at his brother and back at me with a puzzled expression as he sets Ares on the floor. Ares crawls straight for me and I attack him with kisses. Julius finally moves trotting over to join in, sniffing his wet nose all over Ares' little hands. “Did you guys have a good day?” I ask animatedly. Ares squeals and I peer up at Enzo.
“He can now say Bugatti,” Enzo says moving a hanger out of Ares’ reach.
“Bugatti.” Ares copies loudly as he wraps an arm over Julius' side. I bark a laugh and straighten.
