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“Why did you have to give up on life?” I call out since this seems like the perfect place to talk to my brother. “It sounds like things were getting better for you. And Kya—I met her today. She’s really nice. She’s sad you’re not here. I mean, not here-here. In Maple Ridge.”
I turn on the spot, taking in the forest that my brother and I used to love playing in. “I miss you, big brother.” My voice cracks like a piece of dry wood tossed in the fire. “I miss you so, so, so much.” A small sob escapes, and I close my eyes for a second, pulling myself together. “If you’re in heaven with my daughter, can you give her a hug and tell her how much I love her?” Another hiccupped sob.
A bark comes from my car. I wipe the tears with my hands and open the back door. “Sorry, Jasper. Didn’t mean to make you wait.”
I attach his leash. The last thing I want is for him to go chasing after a squirrel and get lost.
He jumps down and sniffs the ground. And I gather up my steely resolve to get through the next few days without falling apart quite so much.
The ghost of a wind tugs at me, hinting at another approaching storm. I hadn’t paid attention to the weather before leaving the house. It was only when we were almost here that I realized what we’ll be facing—beyond the phantoms of my past.
“You wanna explore first, or should we unpack?”
Jasper lurches forward, tugging me along. He’s getting stronger and more muscular with each passing day.
“All right, let me show you around.” I take him past the side of the house to the firepit where Grandpa told Aiden and me stories while we toasted marshmallows. No one could spin a tale quite like our grandfather. It was Grandpa who got Aiden hooked on the various mythologies.
I sit on one of the logs skirting the firepit.
Memories of Aiden, my parents, and Grandpa aren’t the only ones surrounding me. Lucas, his family, Jerome, Emily, Kim, and Zara also stayed at the cabin from time to time with us. It was here when I first noticed Lucas as something more than my brother’s best friend.
We were sitting around the fire, opposite each other. I looked up and caught him watching me. It was in that moment, with the flames dancing between us, my heart became his.
I blink away the memory. Once Lucas and I have a real conversation—not one with him storming out of the house during it—I’ll file for divorce. I deserve to be with a man who loves me no matter what. A man who is there for me during my darkest hours. Like today. On the day that causes me so much pain.
I didn’t ask for the drunk driver to hit me. I didn’t ask for a hysterectomy, but that’s exactly the future the Fates saw for me. I might’ve married Lucas for business reasons, but now I want more than that.
Maybe it’s time I share my own personal journey online. Not because I’m hoping it will bring in new clients. I want other women who’ve lost a child or had a hysterectomy at a young age to know they aren’t alone. I want to let women get to know the real me, not the perfectly made up, professionally photographed version of me with Lucas and Jasper.
And I want other women to know that they don’t need to be married to understand what true love looks like—and that we’re worth more than the front we put on for the benefit of the world.
After Jasper and I explore the area for a few minutes, we return to my car to grab my duffle bag and the box of supplies. I sling the bag’s strap across my shoulder, hoist the box into my arms, and shut the trunk. Eager to keep exploring, Jasper strains on his leash, which is hooked on my elbow. It’s a miracle I don’t drop the box.
I climb the porch steps and lower the bag onto the Welcome mat. Balancing the box on one hip, I unlock the cabin door with the key that has never left my key ring all these years and step inside. The place smells like I remember, of chopped wood and marshmallows and adventures. And dust.
A thick layer of dust blankets every surface, and cobwebs crowd the corners of the room. Guess I know what I’ll be doing tonight for entertainment. Hopefully Grams’s old broom is still in the storage closet.
I lower the box onto the coffee table and unhook the leash from Jasper’s harness.
Aiden hadn’t just renovated the outside of the cabin. The inside also looks better than I remember. He’d mentioned he wanted to update it. I had no idea this is what he meant. The wood interior has been stained a warm honey color, contrasting against dark wooden beams that weren’t here before.
The boring fireplace, now covered in stone, has been turned into the focal point of the room. And built-in bookshelves fill one wall where old storage shelves once stood. Even the old, worn-out sofa and chairs have been replaced.
The kitchen is as small as I remember, but it’s been updated with several new appliances. And the cabinets have been stained hunter green.
The place looks incredible. So much better than the old hunting cabin I remember.
I head into the tiny bedroom Aiden and I used to share and dump my bag on the floor. The bunk bed is still here, the bedding rumpled from when Aiden last stayed in the cabin. The room is the same as the last time I was here, with no sign of any renovations.
I peek into the master bedroom. My brother’s magic touch has been in here, too. The furniture hasn’t changed, but the walls have been stained.
Why? Why go to all this trouble with renovating the cabin if he didn’t plan to stick around to enjoy it?
I return to the living room and walk to the bookshelf, hoping to find an explanation for why Aiden wrote CATFISH on the paper and in the book he sent me. I can’t for the life of me figure out what it means. For all I know, he wanted to catch a catfish in the lake. But I don’t think that was the reason.
Aiden loved mythology, but that doesn’t mean he believed writing down his wishes would make them magically happen.
I pull out a thick book on Greek mythology from the shelf and thumb through the pages. The illustrations and paper are old. None contain handwritten words. I remove the Norse encyclopedia from the shelf and leaf through it.
