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It all happens in a heartbeat, but it’s enough for me to know what I feel for Jess is beyond simple friendship. It’s the desire for something more. I’m just not sure what more we’re talking about.
The one thing I do know is whatever this thing is, I need to take my time. No rushing things. Jess needs to be the one in control. To make the first move.
If I’m right and she does have PTSD, I need to give her as much control as possible, and that includes the renovations.
We collect all the information I’ll need, and I take photos to remind me of what we’re dealing with.
We go into the room that once belonged to Anne’s mother. The walls are still pink, faded and dingy with time. The floral bedding looks several decades old and was probably until recently thick with dust.
“I would love to add a window seat.” Jess’s voice is soft and dreamy, the smile on her face matching it. “Turn it into the kind of place a girl can read and watch the squirrels scamper in the trees.”
“Girl? You have someone in mind? Or are you talking about yourself?”
Jess walks to the window and looks down on the street. “No, no one in particular. I…I just…it was just a thought.”
“A window seat is a good idea. It would be a great way to add additional storage.” I survey what else I’m dealing with in the room. “Are you looking at converting the room into a library? Or do you want it to be a guest room?”
Jess rolls her bottom lip between her teeth. “A guest room. Something…suitable for a child to stay in. But not only for a little girl. It needs to be good for any age range.” The more she talks, the more flustered she becomes, a slight flush creeping up her face.
None of what she’s saying makes a lot of sense. Unless…
“Are you thinking of becoming a foster parent?”
My parents did that with Kellan before becoming his legal adoptive parents.
“No, nothing like that. Never mind. It’s a really dumb idea.” She turns her head away.
I catch her chin with my fingers and guide her face back to me. “Hey, it’s not a dumb idea. It’s a great idea. We can do whatever you want. What do you want to do about the carpet?” Like everything else, it’s got to be at least four decades old.
“Tear it up. I would love to have hardwood flooring. If it’s already there. Otherwise, replace the carpet with laminate wood flooring. The same for the rest of the house.”
“We can do that.” I walk into the closet and pull on the light. Nothing happens.
“I think the bulb is burned out. I haven’t had a chance to buy new ones yet.”
There’s enough sunlight shining through the doorway from the window for me to assess the space. “The bookshelf in there’s a good idea. Did you want to have more bookshelves in the room? We could build some in the window nook.”
Her eyes brighten. “I love that idea.”
“I’ll show you downstairs what I’m thinking of once we’re done up here.”
We continue next with Jess’s bedroom, then head down to the living room. Jess tells me some of the ideas she has for the various spaces. We measure the necessary information, and I sketch each room, marking down the windows and doors and anything else I need to keep in mind with the final designs.
Her face glows as she shares her visions for the house. She doesn’t go overboard. She’s not trying to turn the house into something it will never be—unless we demolish it and start from scratch.
In the living room, we sit next to each other on the couch, and I pull up a photo on my iPad. “This is what I was talking about for the reading nook in the guest room.” I hand the device to her. The image is of a window seat that has bookshelves on either side of it that face each other.
“Oh, Troy, that’s perfect.” She traces her finger over the shelves and the cushions. “It’s even better than what I had in mind. Yes, I want to make that for…for the guest room.” If there was a competition between the sun and Jess as to who glows more right now, Jess would be the clear winner.
Just seeing that expression makes me want to do whatever it takes to see it on her face more often. “I’m glad you’re happy with it.”
“Very happy.” She doesn’t look at me when she says it. She continues staring at the picture, the dreamy smile back on her face. It’s as if that window seat is the most important thing in the world. As if it’s the one thing capable of bringing her the most joy.
She was excited about the other changes I had suggested for the rest of the house, but that was nothing compared to her reaction to this photo.
And that makes me even more curious about the woman sitting next to me.
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