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‘Absolutely. I’ll treat you next time and we’ll see who’s right.’ She stops and turns him to face her. ‘Are you going to talk to me about what’s going on in there?’ She taps her finger on the side of his head and smiles at him. ‘I haven’t seen you not finish food so there must be something up.’
He sits on the shingles and pulls her onto his lap. ‘I’m sorry. I got... I don’t know. Guess I was overthinking.’
‘Overthinking what?’
He looks out at the sea. ‘It’s fucking ridiculous really. Dara’s the same age as me. I was behind when I started school. I guess I missed out on the first few years. I eventually worked my ass off to catch up, but I could never get close to him. It didn’t matter how hard I tried I was always a little behind him.
‘My parents never made any comments about it and neither did his as far as I know, but every time the rest of the family got together, we were compared. I don’t mean like there was a list and they went through it. It was more that I... I guess I never quite made the grade. He has degrees coming out of his arse, then a wife and now a kid on the way. He’s some hotshot lawyer in a firm in town.
‘I’ve done pretty well for myself, I know, but I don’t have a normal job. I didn’t do myself any favours by going down the drink and drugs route either.’ He laughs once and shrugs. ‘This is going to sound unbelievable childish. I know he was helping my parents and I know I wasn’t there, but hearing he picked up the slack...’ He shakes his head angrily. ‘It’s petty but that got my back up. A lot. It’s not his fault and I know he did me a favour helping out with Jove and the farm.’
‘But it still feels like he was stepping into your place.’
‘I should be thanking him not getting all narky with him. Or you. I’m sorry.’
‘You don’t have anything to apologise for. It’s understandable to feel the way you do, but you’re back now. Besides, I can’t see Dara being able to handle Jove. I get the impression he’s a one-man horse.’
Tate finally smiles. ‘Too fucking right.’
Chloe wraps her arm around his neck. ‘You’ve got to forgive yourself for what happened, Tate. It was a mistake. People make mistakes all the time. I’m even sure the amazing Dara has made a fair few in his day. You can’t go back and change what you did. You really have to stop giving yourself such a hard time. You need to forgive yourself or else you’ll never get over this.’
∞
Tate hugs her close as he watches the waves break on the sand. She’s right. He doesn’t forgive himself for what he did. He was stupid and weak and nearly killed himself as a result. He worked so hard to get through his addiction. Why the hell did he put himself through all that if he’s not going to get on with his life? If his parents hadn’t broken into his house when they did, he wouldn’t be sitting here with Chloe. Waking up in that hospital had been his second chance.
He closes his eyes and buries his face in Chloe’s hair. The woman from his nightmares wasn’t so lucky. Where’s her second chance? How the hell does he even begin to forgive himself for that?
19
Chloe gets off theDART at Connolly Station and walks to the newspaper stand. She looks down at the family photo Tate sent her then scans the faces of the commuters milling around the station. It doesn’t take long to pick Bria out from the crowd. Her strawberry blonde hair is tied in a high ponytail which swishes from side to side as she hurries over to Chloe. Bria holds out her hand and smiles warmly.
‘Chloe?’
‘Nice to meet you, Bria. Thank you so much for agreeing to help me out. I’m not ashamed to admit I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing.’
When she smiles again, Chloe can’t help but like her.
