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“Oh! Your partner!” I laugh as I’m overcome with relief. Not his lover, then. But he could still have one. He just hasn’t mentioned one yet. “Um, how is he doing? Is he upset you left?”
Xavian’s throat bobs before he nods. “Yeah. He’s still a little pissed, but he’ll get over it. I bribed him with tickets to see your show. A backstage pass … if that’s even possible. Sorry for not asking you first. Should have.”
Waving my hand dismissively, I say, “I’ll send over a couple free tickets for him. It’s not a problem. Can even throw in some extra so he can bring his friends.”
Xavian barks out a laugh, and I can’t help but flinch. It’s just so … bright and boisterous that it blows my mind he’s the one making the sound.
“That’s sweet of you, to assume he has any friends aside from me.”
I shrug. “You never know.”
“Only to women,” Xavian mutters. “The ladies … they love him.”
For some reason, that’s one of the least surprising things Xavian has told me all night. Because of their reputation to hit first and ask questions never, Gorcians are generally feared and pushed into doing jobs most folks don’t want to do. The only viable work they can really get is at high-security prisons across the galaxy. It never seemed fair. I know better than anyone what it’s like being in the unearned reputation club feels like. So to hear that his partner is a softie with women? Yeah, I can believe that.
“Yeah, Goricans can be pretty cute. I can see it,” I say as we continue our walk down the empty street. A few homeless folks scurry off into the shadows of the various alleyways when they see Xav and I coming, and my heart sinks. They make me think of Luna and how most of the moon was full of people living in poverty. I guess it was naïve of me to expect other planets to take care of their citizens, but I guess not. Xilia is vibrant and fun, but it still has people in need.
“Cute?” Xavian chuckles again. “I’ll be sure to let him know you said so. He’ll be over the moon.”
Canting my head, I ask, “Oh, really? Which moon? There are so many to choose from, after all.”
Xavian stops at the corner, pointing up at a giant screen on the side of a building as a familiar face flashes across it. It’s mine. The ad Luthor cajoled me into doing splashes across the terminal like a waterfall of light, trickling down the sides of the bank building, past the stately windows. I’m used to seeing my face like this everywhere across the galaxy, but as I shuffle a little closer to Xavian, I can’t help but feel … embarrassed? Humiliated? My entire body warms uncomfortably as I force myself to look anywhere but the ad.
“So beautiful,” Xavian murmurs, as though he’s talking to himself.
I blink rapidly and try to say something, but no sound comes out of my mouth. I’m too stunned, too much everything all at once, and I want nothing more than to crawl into a dark hole and hide.
He turns to me, smiling. “The lights. It’s amazing how far technology has come with these ads lately, huh?” he says, and all the air presses out of my lungs.
Oh. So he wasn’t talking about me, then. He was talking about the ad itself, the way the glimmer of the lights trickle down across the street like stardust. I see. It was embarrassing when I thought he was talking about me, but his clarification has me feeling surprisingly melancholy. Like maybe I want him to see me as beautiful, too.
Which I don’t want him to pick up on, so I overcorrect myself, plaster a huge smile on my face, and laugh. “Yeah! Really pretty, I agree!”
Gods, I am such an idiot. Unsurprisingly, Xavian stares at me like I’ve suddenly sprouted three heads and blinks. But instead of calling me out of my weirdo behavior, he simply shrugs and advances to the other side of the street as jammers soar silently overhead.
And this is exactly the reason I don’t date. Unlike other people, I hate the butterflies. The blushing. The sweaty hands. All of it.
I hurry after him, trying to match his stride, fiddling with the ends of my hair like I always do when I’m nervous out of my mind. He doesn’t even notice.
23KALLISTA
The next leg of our tour is on a nearby planet called Zenos. It’s a newer settlement, with only fifty thousand Humans living on it, and most of the planet’s rough terrain has been terraformed into farmland. So why Luthor insisted on me doing a show here is anyone’s guess, because it’s literally out in the sticks. My stomach turns as I brush my teeth in the mirror and stare at the dark bags under my eyes.
So much for beauty sleep. Since my last show the other night, sleep has been a luxury I can’t afford. Between interviews, signings, and shows, I’m completely drained, with no end in sight. Is this what my life is always going to look like? Me, always tired, running from one planet to the next to sing and dance while scathing headlines nip at my heels? It doesn’t feel worth it. Not anymore.
I spit into the sink just as Margot appears, tapping her fingernails against the doorframe.
“Hey. Almost time to go. You packed up and ready?”
I look up at her and nod. She’s wearing a black blazer with leather pants and at least five different necklaces that pulse a strange blue light. Her hair and makeup are simple today. She’s forgone her signature red lip for some gloss, and a sleek ponytail sits high on her head instead of the blunt bob she’s so fond of. It’s funny how I’ve learned how to determine what sort of day Margot and I are going to have based on her hairstyle. Blunt black bob? We’re going to meetings, meetings, and more meetings. Sleek pony? We’re probably going to grab coffee and sit on the glider bus for a few hours.
Four shows on Xilia later, and we’re finally ready to leave. Normally, once I’ve done several shows on the same planet, I’m eager to move on. Part of the reason I wanted to tour the cosmos was so I could travel as much as possible. Being from Luna means I’m used to staring at nothing but gray rocks, craters, and more gray rocks. Until I turned eighteen and could finally get the hell off that crusty old moon, there had been absolutely no color in my life.
For the past week and a half, I’ve been on a planet that’s a nonstop riot of color at all hours of the day. It’s been fun, and I’m worried that once I leave here, all the color will drain out of my life again.
“Yeah,” I mutter, and wipe my face clean with the hand towel. “Just let me throw on my hoodie and we can go.”
“Good. Xavian is waiting in the lobby for you,” she says as she turns to leave. But then at the last moment, she whirls back. “By the way, the pap drones saw you and Lacie together the other night.”
