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The fire in her eyes is heartening, at least. It shows that she’s still fighting, that she won’t go down so easily. I was wrong about Kallista before, I think. When we first met, I saw nothing other than a woman who acted more like a girl. A very bratty girl whose personality resembled a bundle of barbed wire. But below the surface, Kallista is a strong woman with a big heart who cares about her fans and cares what people think of her. No, you can’t knock her down and expect her not to get back up swinging.
My heart leaps into my throat as she weaves her fingers through mine and pulls me closer. “But thank you for saying it,” she murmurs, then vanishes into the backseat of Aiken’s jammer.
29KALLISTA
Xavian and Aiken’s apartment is a lot cleaner than I expected it to be. I’ve been in plenty of bachelor pads before, and they all have certain things in common. Beer in the fridge, crumbs on the couch, posters of scantily clad women on the walls. But these two don’t have any of those things in their home. I open the fridge door and blink as I’m greeted with empty white shelves.
Okay, so they don’t actually haveanythingin their fridge. At all.
“Right, we still need to make a quick trip down to the bodega,” Xav says as he hurries over and clamps the door shut. He shoots me an embarrassed grin and shrugs. “Sorry. This was on short notice, so we don’t have anything to eat or drink yet.”
“It’s fine. I’m not hungry,” I lie. I’m starving. But it’s not like I can even keep anything down. Who could, after everything I’d been through?
That’s what I tell myself, at least. That what I’m experiencing is normal. But none of this shit is normal, is it? No one should have to wonder if they’re going to make it back home at the end of the day. When I auditioned for that talent competition three years ago, it wasn’t because I wanted to make millions and be the most popular girl in the room. It was because music is my life. My dream. My reason for waking up in the morning. I wanted to make people happy while doing something I love.
And I didn’t for a single second think that this could be a dangerous career.
Is it worth it?Xavian’s voice rings in my mind. I’ve been mulling the question over ever since he asked. If you asked me a year or two ago, I would have said absolutely. Without a doubt. But now, I’m not so sure.
“Kal,” Xav’s voice snaps me out of my daydream, and I jerk my head up to look at him. “You okay? You just went off into space there.”
“Yeah,” I mutter. “All good. Listen, I’d really love to lie down. Is there somewhere I can do that?”
Xavian’s brows pinch together, then he closes the fridge door shut before heading out into the living room. I follow behind, and we find Aiken lying on the couch like a space slug ready to take its ten-thousand-year hibernation. Instead of pestering Aiken to get off the couch like I assume he’s going to, Xavian just shakes his head at his friend and leads me toward another room.
“No offense, but your apartment is … so vintage,” I say as he flicks the manual light switch.
A dim overhead light illuminates the dark brown walls of the bedroom, and I’m greeted by the sweet smell of cinnamon and clary sage. Not at all what I was expecting. His bed is enormous enough to fit an entire house party’s worth of people, and to my surprise, it’s actually made. The gray blankets are tucked in neatly, like he took more than thirty seconds to tidy up. The floor to ceiling window in front of his bed gives a spectacular view of the city skyline, with the bright violet and fuchsia hues smudging together like smoke from the businesses down below.
“Impressive,” I say as I walk around his room, pretending to not be as interested as I am. I haven’t been inside many bedrooms other than my own. There’s something too intimate about being inside one’s safe space, and I’ve never been close enough with anyone to be given the privilege of access. Not even the men and women I’ve slept with over the years. All the sex I’ve had has been in hotel rooms. Kind of sad, now that I think about it.
“Thanks,” Xavian says with a chuckle, pushing his hair back with his palm. He paces in front of his window like a prowling cat sizing up its dinner, all agitated and looking ready to square off with someone.
“You okay?” I ask.
Xav rubs the back of his neck and says, “It’s fine. Just having you here is stressful, is all.”
I flinch. Geez. That makes me feel kinda crappy. “Oh. Well, if it’s too much, I can ask Margot to arrange something else in the meantime. I don’t want to upset you.”
“It’s not that, Kal. Trust me, I prefer you here with us, where we can keep a constant eye on you. It’s just that yesterday was extremely fucked up and I’m not… I’m not….” He clenches his fists at his sides and turns back toward the window. Traffic is heavy at the moment, and jammers and hover buses are lined up outside, barely moving. They’re so close I can practically make out the faces of the passengers.
“You’re not processing it well,” I finish for him as I join him by the window. Standing this close to him, I can feel the heat radiating off his tremendous body. To be honest, I like that he’s so warm. Terrans supposedly run hotter than Lunans, but I never understood why. If anything, Lunans should have evolved to be warmer since we have to deal with the colder climate. I must’ve missed school the day it was covered in biology. “It’s alright. I’m not sure if I’m not processing it, or if it’s more that I’m avoiding it altogether. Either way, I don’t think it’s healthy. We need a distraction.”
He looks down at me, brows arching. “A distraction? What do you have in mind? We’ve got a terminal with most of the channels you’re probably used to.”
I take a quick look around his room. It’s devoid of any clutter, which is amazing for a guy. There’s not even a single dirty sock on the floor. Then I spot it—a cabinet in the corner and a rustic old box sitting on top of it.
When I approach the cabinet and run my fingers across the top of the box curiously, Xavian says, “Ah. Yeah, I told you I had one of these. My record player. It’s from the 1970s. Not as old as the player we saw back in the store, but old enough.”
“Ancient,” I breathe as I look down at the glossy plastic protective covering. The instruments inside look so primitive to me, like if I stare at it too hard, it’ll crumble to dust beneath my gaze. “That was almost 1,500 years ago. How is this not in a museum?”
Xavian laughs as he comes up beside me. “Bounty hunting wasn’t pleasant, princess, but it came with some perks. One of which was that I managed to take this beauty off the hands of a Navaj drug lord after we raided his warehouse on Septa-3.”
My eyes widen. “Holy shit. Youstolethis? You’re a thief, too?”
“Y-Yes? I mean, you sound so judgmental right now. I lifted it off a drug lord. Did you miss that part?”
“Oh, I definitely didn’t miss it. It’s just that you have enormous balls for stealing from a drug lord. Does anyone else know about it?” I ask, unable to tear my gaze from the long, sleek needle.
