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Maybe ever.
So I lifted my hands and looked down at them. Kenz’s juices covered the fingers on one hand, and a mixture of my cum and Tor’s on the other. They looked different, but they drew me just the same. While both Tor and Kenz watched, I licked my fingers clean, swallowing down every drop I could find from both hands, savoring the way our flavors mixed.
Alcohol might have started this, might have let us indulge in a way we’d have hesitated over otherwise, but I knew it wasn’t the true cause.
And just as strongly, I knew it wouldn’t be the last time, because I couldn’t imagine not feelingthisagain.
Chapter Fourteen
Hayden
I handed a beer to Tor before sitting on the tailgate of his truck in the driveway. Char stood with a beer of his own, and Vance drank something out of a glass since he tended to be too fancy to enjoy beer—especially straight from a bottle.
“She asleep?” Char asked.
“Yeah. She seems to be sleeping better now than she was before. The dark circles are about gone, in fact. I think days she does self-defense practice especially take it out of her, so she crashes pretty fast.” That brought back the memory of her yawning as she’d crawled into her bed, half asleep before her head had even hit the pillow.
Did she fall asleep faster because she’d gotten more used to the house? Because she knew us better, so she trusted us more?
I’d like to think that, but I wasn’t foolish enough to believe it had anything to do with us specifically.
I held the bottle against the edge of the truck bed, hooking the lid on it before hitting it down to open the bottle. The lid flew off, clicking as it hit the bed liner.
When was the last time we’d gathered like this? Had we ever, really?
Before Kenz, we all lived our own lives, only speaking as much as necessary for whatever task we had next, to share information we’d found. We’d eaten alone, exercised by ourselves, and sometimes gone weeks or even months without seeing each other despite living in the same house.
However, Kenz had changed all that.She changed a lot more than that.Now the house didn’t feel so large or empty or lifeless. Hell, it almost felt like a home.
And now, when Kenz went to sleep early, the four of us tended to gather. Tonight, with the sweltering heat even after the sun had gone down, seemed the perfect time to have a cold beer.
“We need to talk,” I said when I couldn’t put it off anymore, guilt weighing heavily on me.
“What the hell? Is this a breakup talk?” Char asked with a chuckle. The laugh didn’t sound like he was brushing my statement off, but rather an attempt to lighten the mood.
I took a big drink, using that as a way to delay the conversation and come to terms with my thoughts. I’d practiced this in my head a bunch of times, but it didn’t seem nearly as simple when actually faced with the topic.
“You look like a kid who’s admitting to their mom they stole cookies,” Vance said.
No, it’s worse.
“We all agreed we wouldn’t touch Kenz,” I started with, then stared down at the beer in my hand. “I agreed to it, too. I’m not the type who goes back on my word, so I need to admit to something.” I took a deep breath, then blurted it out. Sometimes ripping the bandage off was the best way forward. “I crossed that line. Worse, I don’t think I can say I wouldn’t do it again. I know we made an agreement, that we trusted we’d all follow through on it, and I can’t even say sorry since I think I’d do it again.”
No one spoke, and I couldn’t blame them.
We’d gone in on this together, swearing to work as a team to take down our common enemy. We faced someone so dangerous and deceitful that wehadto be able to trust one another fully. Otherwise, how could we possibly think we had a chance against Lorien?
“I know I’ve betrayed you,” I admitted, my voice soft. “We have to trust each other, and because of what I did, I broke that. I should have told you sooner, but I just didn’t know how to do it. I’ve never broken a promise like this before, and I didn’t know how to address it, how to deal with it, so I figured I should just come out and say it. I’m sorry, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make you understand that youcantrust me, even after this.”
Still, no one spoke. My heart pounded so hard that theyhadto hear it.
Just before I forced myself to look up, to see the expressions of disappointment, a sound caught me.
It was Char’s laughter. It started out as a chuckle, but he quickly lost control of it and bent forward, holding the edge of the truck for balance.
Vance swiped his beer before he dropped it.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
