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“I guess I didn’t realize how much it would bother me to see you flirting with girls.”
“Are you jealous?” I set a finger beneath her chin and tipped her face up toward mine. “That’salmostadorable, you know? You don’t like to see me flirting with women? Are you getting possessive?” I knew I was being a dick, but something about Kenz always made me want to do that. It made me want to tease her, to bother her, to be myself in a way I couldn’t with anyone else.
She finally looked me right back in the eyes, but it wasn’t playfulness I found there. It was hurt, as though I’d somehow wounded her deeply. “I don’t care that you flirt to get jobs done—I just wish you’d treat me like that just once, like I mattered, too. You can seem to be so nice to other people, give them your best, but for me? For me you can’t seem to do it. I’ve accepted that—not like I have much of a choice about it—but I don’t like having the fact shoved in my face all the time.”
Her words froze me in place, and that gave her the chance to knock my arm out of the way and leave the kitchen, her steps quick but just shy of running.
I stood there, the hurt look in her eyes sticking with me. I recalled how I’d spoken to Rachel, that hated mask I was forced to wear, and the idea that Kenz wanted that too, it hurt.
I’d thought I’d found someone who likedme,who I didn’t have to hide from, but maybe I’d been wrong?
Chapter Five
Kenz
“So the residence is here?” I asked as I tapped on the monitor, looking at it over Hayden’s shoulder.
“Seems that way. Both the trackers go back there at night, and when Tor staked it out, he spotted Pauline leaving and coming back. Her schedule looks pretty regular.”
“So what’s the plan, then?”
“Now that we know where she is, Vance is setting up a meeting. We’ll show her the evidence of what Lorien has done, show her that backing him is a bad idea.”
“Can I go?”
Hayden froze, the way he always did when I knew he was about to turn me down. “That’s not a good idea. Pauline is a serious threat. If she doesn’t agree with us, if she sides with Lorien, I don’t want you in the middle of her territory.”
“I’m not useless, you know,” I argued.
He turned then cupped my cheek in his large, warm palm. “I know you’re not useless, Kenz. I just won’t be able to focus on the meeting if I’m worried about you, if I’m thinking about you. It’ll go much better if you stay out of the way and safe.”
I sighed, my shoulders slumping as he sidelined me yet again. “But that ismyworld. She’s the sort of person I grew up with. You know a lot about security, but we’re talking about the Mafia here. You don’t think I might be useful in that case?”
Hayden slipped his hand to the nape of my neck and tugged softly, pulling me into his lap. “I’m not asking you to stay behind because I don’t think you can handle yourself. I’m asking you to stay behind becauseIcan’t handle you being there. Please, just this once, listen to me?”
His words melted my resolve. It was hard to argue with him when he looked so earnest, when he asked so nicely. I knew it wasn’t about me so much as being about him. In his expression, I saw his fear, at what could happen to me, at him possibly failing me.
It was why I understood, so I nodded. “Okay. Am I going to stay alone?”
“Of course not. I’ll have Char stay with you. Vance is needed for the meeting, and Tor will cover us. It makes the most sense for Char to stay here with you.”
The mention of Char’s name made me flinch before I could stop myself. Since the night before, when I’d snapped at him, we hadn’t so much as looked directly at one another. I couldn’t even blame him, not entirely.
After a night of tossing and turning, I knew my words hadn’t been fair. Still, even if I understood that, I still couldn’t stop that hurt inside me. I felt unimportant to him, as though working hard to make others happy was worth it, but I wasn’t worth putting in that same effort for.
Even still, I wasn’t sure how to approach him, how to make things better.
It felt disingenuous for me to just apologize, not when I felt so raw, but I didn’t like where things were, either.
“Did you have a fight with him?” Hayden asked.
I blew out a slow breath, then shrugged. “Not exactly a fight.”
“I’m the last person who’ll scold you for losing your temper with Char. He’s a difficult man to deal with.” Hayden rubbed his hand over my back, the touch sweet and comforting. “He’s different since you’ve come here, though.”
“Oh yeah? He seems as unpleasant as ever.”
“Oh, heis,”Hayden said with a chuckle. “But that’s the thing. Before you, he never talked more than he needed to. He was to the point, direct, never bothered to even insult people. He didn’t seem to care enough to put in that effort. That’s different now, though.”
