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Seeing Kenz breathless and needy and lost to pleasure made me think about my wife, to recall the last time we’d slept together, the morning before she’d died. It had been sweet and gentle and caring—the way I’d always taken her.
It had fulfilled me in a way, because I’d known she’d enjoyed it, but I’d known the entire time that I was not much different than a sex toy for her. She didn’t see me that way, of course, but it was how I acted. I planned everything I did carefully for her enjoyment, to appeal to her, to be the perfect man for her. The only pleasure I’d found was in fulfilling that role, in offering her that fantasy, in making her happy.
But had it ever made me happy?
That was why, when I watched as Vance pulled out of Kenz, as she slumped to her side, panting and exhausted, I knew I couldn’t do that anymore, not with her.
For the first time since writing off my true personality as a kid, when I’d concluded that no one would ever accept me as I was, I didn’t want to hide anymore. I wanted Kenz to seeme,to feelme,to not hide a bit of myself from her—the twisted, sarcastic, often unpleasant man I really was.
So I grabbed another condom and sheathed my cock in it, then crawled over Kenz. I rolled her farther, from her side and onto her back, then in one smooth, quick motion, filled her with one steady thrust.
Her hands flew up, wrapping around me. Her lips touched my shoulder, but it wasn’t the kiss I expected. Instead, a sudden sting said she’d bitten down on me. It made me laugh, but I didn’t pull her away.
No, if she wanted to mark me, I’d happily let her. I planned to leave my own marks on her in return, after all.
When she did let go, though, I disentangled her arms so she lay flat on the bed. It allowed me to see the multitude of red marks and bites that dotted her normally flawless skin, and damn that was a nice sight.
“I wanted to go last,” I told her, “because you’d be so sensitive by now. What can I say? I guess I have a bit of a sadistic streak when it comes to you, and I think when you get this teary-eyed look, it makes me want to fuck you harder.” I grabbed her legs and hoisted them up, hooking her knees over my arms and lifting her ass off the bed. It let me take her the way I needed, leaving her spread out on the bed, making her look somehow both innocent and lewd.
And instead of giving her what she wanted, as I’d done so much of my life, I did as I wanted, instead, showing her every ugly part of my personality, offering it all up to her.
“And let me tell you, I plan on getting you in to a doctor to start you on birth control. I wanted to fill this sweet little pussy of yours up with our cum, to slide into you after we’ve each taken a turn, to watch it drip out of you, to gather it up on my fingers and feed it back into you.” My words excited me, as though they manifested those desires into the real world, but that wasn’t the best part.
No, the best part of it was Kenz’s reaction, the way she tightened around me and moaned, her eyes closed. She didn’t fight me, didn’t tell me no, didn’t try to change me. She didn’t tell me I was wrong, that I was wrong.
Instead, she accepted it all. She took my words in and they excited her. She took my rough thrusts and lifted her hips for more. No matter how ugly a part of me was, she didn’t reject a bit of it.
Which had me swinging my hips forward, and had I not had a hold of her legs, she’d have slid on the bed from the roughness of my thrusts. I chased my own release, moving my gaze over her as I memorized every detail.
She was perfect, not because she was so pretty, not because of her past or her money or her name. No, she was perfect because she was everything I could have wanted. She was the safe place that I’d never had, the home I’d craved but thought impossible for me to find.
Even though I wanted to let this last long, to hold off, I couldn’t stop my release from shuddering through me. It made me breathless and tired but the sight of Kenz there was something worth savoring.
I’d never expected to find a place where I belonged, didn’t think such a place existed. I’d been prepared to hide my true self forever, to fit in only because I pretended to be whatever I thought others would want.
Yet somehow, this girl had created that safety for me, had made the only place in the whole universe where I could let go of the masks I’d worn, where I could just be myself. She’d become that place for me, and even if I had no idea how to do it, or if it was possible, I’d find a way to repay her for that.
Kenz
My body had moved beyond exhaustion and felt as though I were floating in nothingness. Even the effort to open my eyes seemed like far more than I currently had.
Something wet touched me, and I jerked in surprise.Not again.As much as I loved these guys, there was absolutely no way I could make it through any more.
“I’m just cleaning you up,” came a deep, comforting voice.Hayden.Always taking care of me, wasn’t he? His words helped me identify the sensation as a washcloth wiping me off. He gently cleared off the sweat, even removing the wetness from my inner thighs. I would have been embarrassed if I had the energy for that emotion.
As it was, I could deal with that tomorrow. Right now, I enjoyed the pampering.
Once he seemed content that he’d done the job well, something soft and warm enveloped me. Sleep came to me in small waves, as though I bobbed on the surface of awareness, dipping down from time to time before rising again.
Fingers ran through my hair and hands rubbed over my arms, my back, the touches comforting and gentle and coaxing.
Words floated through that darkness, but I struggled to make sense of them, to catch them all. I had no hope of actually retaining or responding to them. It didn’t matter what they said, though. That wasn’t important.
It was the tone that got to me, the way they made me feel warmer than the blanket around me, safer than the best security system could. I was pretty sure that if I could just stay like this, with these men, that I could face anything else that came my way.
This was the only thing I really wanted.
Chapter Twelve
