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“You either run from people or you pull them in close and manage the risk of loving them.”His voice softens.“You’re afraid of losing the people you love, and I get it, but you miss out on so much because of this.”
I grip my phone harder.“I don’t think I can be with him, Ethan,” I whisper, hating every word I’ve just said.“I wouldn’t survive losing him.”
“So, you’ll walk away and lose him anyway?That makes no fucking sense.”
Tears slide down my face as I imagine a life without Callan.
No more eleven a.m.calls.
No more bantering with him.
I glance down at my charm bracelet.
No more firsts with him.
No more of anything with him.
Ethan’s right.I’m being an idiot.And Iamrunning, but it’s so ingrained in me that I don’t know any other way to be in this world and keep my heart safe.
“I don’t know how to stop running, Ethan.”
“Yeah, I get that too.Fuck, do I get that.”He releases a breath.“I think we’ve just gotta make the choice to stop running and hold on for our fucking lives.”
* * *
I don’t sleep well and drag myself out of bed with little time to get ready for work.I’m rushing all morning, and I’m more than aware that I promised to call Callan this morning, but I have clients in back-to-back meetings from eight a.m., so instead of calling, I send him a text just before my first client.
Olivia
I’m sorry I’m texting rather than calling.I’m running late for work and have meetings all morning.I promise I’ll call at lunch xx
I switch my phone to silent so I can focus for all my meetings.
My morning is a blur.New clients.Old clients.Clients I don’t particularly care for.And all the while, Callan is front and center.
I’ve replayed my conversation with Ethan hundreds of times since last night.I think we’ve just gotta make the choice to stop running and hold on for our fucking lives.I’ve asked myself just as many timeshow do you hold on for your fucking life?I still have no good answer.
My last meeting finishes at 11:45 a.m.at which time, I check my phone and find it’s blown up with texts.
Blair
Okay, so this Insta tea bitch is going down.I’m seriously done with her.
Blair
Are you okay?
Blair
Where are you?
Kristen
Olivia, just checking to make sure you’re okay.
Blair
Why are you ignoring me?
