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“Hopefully by Thursday, but it may be Friday.I might be pushing it to get to the Hamptons on time Friday.”The second wedding we’re attending is for a couple we’ve both known for years.They’ve invited their guests for a welcome party that kicks off at lunchtime on Friday.
“Oh god, me too.I’ve got a day of interviews lined up for Slade and I think I’m going to have to hold his hand during them.If so, I won’t arrive until late Friday afternoon, which sucks because I was really looking forward to the spa afternoon with the girls.”
I push my irritation with Slade down and try to ignore it even though I’m doubtful I can.“We’ll take the helicopter, so that will help.”
“Yes, and I’ll do everything in my power during the week to convince Slade he doesn’t need a babysitter.”
I’m more than grateful when Hayden takes this moment to cut in on our conversation.It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her what I think of a grown man being unable to handle his own shit.
“I hate to do this,” Hayden says to Olivia, looking as regretful as he sounds, “but can you give me ten minutes so we can go over something that’s come up for Bradford.”
“Sure,” Olivia says before leaving with him.
I watch her until they disappear down the hallway that leads to Dad’s office where I imagine Bradford and Dad are waiting for them.Hayden is Bradford’s lawyer and from what I heard them talking about earlier, they’re working on mitigating any headaches that arise from the disgrace Bradford’s ex-fiancée has recently found herself in.Besides being investigated for tax fraud thanks to a tip off from Bradford, her ties to a crime boss have been made public, along with rumors of complex financial crimes she’s supposedly committed.Her offices were raided today, and while Bradford’s not linked to her anymore, he and Dad want to ensure his name isn’t smeared.
“So, you’re finally opening your eyes,” Gage drawls as he hands me a whiskey.
“Huh?”
He nods in the direction of where Olivia went.“Liv.”
I throw some whiskey down my throat.“What are you talking about?”
“I saw how you’re looking at her tonight.”
My gut reaction is to tell him to fuck off, that he’s imagining things, but after weeks of being tied up in knots over my feelings, I’ve reached the point where I need to talk about it.“I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m pretty sure I’m about to fuck things up between us.”
He watches me over the rim of his glass while he takes a sip.“What’s happening is what was always going to happen.I’m only surprised it’s taken this long.”
I frown.Rhodes said something similar on the weekend and I haven’t been able to get that conversation out of my head.“Liv and I have never been attracted to each other, Gage.”
“Yeah, you have.Why do you think you’ve fucked your way through New York and never been interested in a relationship?”
“Fuck, is this going to be one of your therapy sessions?I’m out if it is.”Gage likes to dissect people and I’m in no mood for that tonight.
He ignores me and carries on.“Why do you think the only relationship you’ve had was at the same time that Olivia fell in love for the first time?”
I take another gulp of whiskey.“You’re connecting things that aren’t connected.”
“You hated watching her with that guy so you found yourself a girlfriend to distract you.”
I want to tell him he’s wrong, but my gut is insistent there’s some truth in what he’s saying.
He watches me closely while I work my way through a million thoughts.“You’re in love with Olivia, Callan, and you always have been.But watching Mom and Dad fucked you up and you’re shut down on relationships because of what you fear marriage does to people.Take another look at their marriage and you’ll see what’s possible when two people work at a relationship.”
Kristen waves him over to where she and Mom are looking at something on Mom’s laptop, leaving me alone with that bomb.
Jesus.
My parents didn’t marry for love.It was a marriage of convenience to bring their two families together.It was a long-term project to build power so they could eventually get a son into politics.They brought five sons into a marriage that was filled with turmoil and we all paid the price for that.Not that I was aware of much of this during my childhood.I was a happy child but I always sensed trouble and I sure as fuck knew it took a lot of effort to get my parents’ attention for the first decade of my life.
Some light was recently shed on that.It turns out my father cheated on my mother just after I was born and so they were both preoccupied with that mess for years.Looking back, I can see how that played out in our lives.Gage wasn’t wrong when he said I use my parents’ marriage as my reason for avoiding relationships.They may be happy together now, but I can never unknow the deep unhappiness we all lived through when they were fighting all the time.
I do love Olivia.
As a friend.
And that’s all it can ever be.
