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He groans.“I’ve sat through enough of those with you.I’m not looking to change my thoughts on them.”
“But you laughed through the last one we watched.”
“It had some funny moments.A few at most.I’m not giving them another shot.”
I curl my legs to my stomach, trying to calm the whirlwind inside.Callan and I have never shared a bed but it’s something I’ve dreamed about.I’ve imagined lying side by side with him like this a thousand times.My imagination fell short; this reality is beyond my wildest dreams.
Callan’s closeness is electric and my body yearns to press against him.His scent fills the air, so uniquely his and familiar.Pine needle and sandalwood from his body wash mixed with peppermint from his shampoo.I know these fragrances so well that if he were in a crowd, I could find him blindfolded by scent alone.
“What are you thinking?”he asks when I turn silent.
I want to tell him I’m not thinking because his nearness has short-circuited my brain.Actually, no, Iamthinking.I’m thinking about how much I want to get to know the curve of his lips more intimately.With my fingers, my mouth, my tongue.I’m thinking about how much I want to run my fingers through his hair.About how I want to grip it and pull it while he puts those lips on me and makes me come.Because hewouldmake me come.I have no doubt about that.
“Liv.”
“I have to tell you something,” I blurt before I can stop the words.
“What?”
Holy god, am I really going to tell him how I feel?
Is now the exact right moment to do that?
My heart bangs around in my chest like it’s trying hard to get my attention.
Nerves take hold of my entire body.
I can’t tell him.
It will change everything we have.
Maybe ruin it.
I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.
My heart moves up into my throat.
She desperately wants him to know that she’s his.
“Ethan texted me.”Where those words come from, I have no idea, but my nerves instantly settle.My brain resumes normal functioning.My body relaxes away from high alert.
“When?Why?”
“This morning.He wanted to check in on you after he told you he wasn’t going to the Alps.”
“So he texted you?He’d rather ask you how I am than come straight to me?”Anger laces his words and my heart hurts for him.For both of them.Callan and Ethan have always been inseparable, but now, their relationship is so fractured that I worry it may never be the same again.
I reach out and place my hand on his arm.It’s an instinctual move, one that wouldn’t have caused me any second thoughts before tonight.But with everything that happened between us today, I’m acutely aware of the way that one action charges the air between us.
Keeping my hand on him, I say softly, “He’s worried about you.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“No, it’s not.It’s the truth.”
“How the fuck do you figure that?I’ve barely heard from him in almost a year.That’s not the actions of a person who’s worried about me.”
“It’s the actions of a guy who’s hurting and working through some deep stuff.”I wiggle closer to him.It’s like I need to leave no space for his hurt to disappear through the cracks.When Callan hurts, I do too, and I have this desperate desire to wrap every ache of his up and tend to it.“I think Samantha destroyed Ethan.And I don’t think he knows how to heal from that.”
