Page 92 of Yours Actually


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She puts her hands to my shoulders and gently pushes me away.“Still soft.Do better.And after you get dressed, come and help me in the kitchen.”

“With what?”

“With the two tomatoes I bought.We’ve got visitors coming tonight who we have to cook for.”

“Who?”This is news to me.

“Rhodes, Sasha, and Blair are coming over for drinks.I decided we’d also cook dinner for them.”

“Right, so you have a few sleepovers with me and you take that to mean you can host dinner parties here?”

She grins.“That’s better.”She turns to leave, calling over her shoulder, “Wear that new black T-shirt of yours for me.You’ll probably have more luck convincing me to take my clothes off if you do.”

I put my new black shirt on and spend the afternoon in my kitchen cooking with Olivia.It takes us all afternoon to prepare dinner because I fuck her three times.Once in the kitchen.Once in the living room.And once under the chandelier above my formal dining table while I tell her she can plan as many dinner parties here so long as she’s aware I get to eat at the table first.

“I want you to take me to the beach tomorrow,” she says while we’re in my bathroom getting ready for dinner.

“I think they’re forecasting rain for tomorrow.”I watch as she pulls her hair up into a ponytail.The filthy thoughts that fill my mind as I look at that ponytail are some of the dirtiest I’ve ever had.It seems the more sex I have with Olivia, the more I crave.

She shrugs.“I still wanna go.”

I move behind her and circle my arms around her waist, resting my hands on her stomach.I fucking love her softness.Dropping a kiss to her shoulder, I say, “The beach it is.”I run my eyes over her breasts.“You can do filthy things to me in the rain.”

A text comes through on her phone which is sitting on the vanity in front of her.After she checks it, she says, “Blair’s here.”

I let her go.“I’ll get her a drink.Do you want something?”

She reaches for me with a smile, her hand briefly touching my arm as I turn to leave.“I’d love a wine.”

My gut tightens at her touch.At that smile.At fucking everything in this room right now.

The simplicity of being with her.

The ease.

I never imagined the day I’d be happy to cook for an entire afternoon and enjoy every minute of it.

I think about my parents’ marriage and what I’ve witnessed between them during my life.Struggle, anger, disappointment.But also, friendship, respect, commitment.

Gage’s advice from weeks ago comes back to me.Take another look at their marriage and you’ll see what’s possible when two people work at a relationship.

He’s right.And I’ve been blind to it for a long time because all I could ever see was the pain and hurt and confusion of my childhood.My parents did work at their relationship.I don’t know when or how because I was shut down to it by my teen years, but they’re now in love and care deeply for each other.

Happinessispossible within a marriage.

The thing about happiness that I’ve learned in my own life is that it takes careful cultivation and an awareness that it doesn’t look like what the world leads us to believe.The marketing machines of the world share photos showing perfect moments, supposedly happy moments.They tell us to simply choose happiness, to smile and be happy, but that’s a crock of shit.

Some days don’t feel good.They’re hard to get through and feel soul-destroying.And just telling ourselves to be happy doesn’t change our feelings about how shit that day is.And yet, as I look at Olivia and think about all the days we’ve helped get each other through, I remember how she never failed to make me smile at least once on those days.She made me happy even while I felt unhappy because we’ve put the work in and know how to be there for each other.

I never wanted a relationship with anyone because I feared what I thought marriage does to people.I had it all wrong and the very relationship I used to base my thoughts on proves that.

Happiness is possible within a marriage if you chooseto work for it.

25

OLIVIA

Olivia

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