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“How’s my dad actually doing?” Egan asked, and she heard the serious worry in his voice. This time it was more than a glance as he carried the wet saddle pad to yet another rack.
“Okay as far as I can tell,” she decided. “If he’s holding anything back from you, he’s holding it back from me, too.”
Well, except for that letter. Derek was, indeed, holding that back from Egan, but there was nothing else she knew of for sure.For sure. Alana had her suspicions, though, about his dad that she didn’t want to voice. Such as possible depression? Fatigue-generated apathy? Fear that he was never actually going to recover?
What she had chosen to say didn’t seem to ease any of Egan’s worry, and while his unbuttoned shirt continued to give her a peep show, he finished dealing with the tack on the horse.
“Why, is there something specific you’re concerned about?” Alana came out and asked when he didn’t continue.
“Yeah,” he verified. “He’s keeping something from me. I can’t tell what, but there’s something.”
Again, she thought of the letter and wondered if Egan was picking up on that. But that wasn’t her secret to spill especially since it would likely lead to Egan going to his father and having words about it.
Well, maybe that would be Egan’s reaction.
And that led her to something else. Not a secret, but she was wondering how Egan had taken the news about Colleen attending the life celebration. Certainly, Tilly or someone had told him by now.
Hadn’t they?
As she watched Egan go to a sink mounted between two of the stalls and turn on the tap, it occurred to her that if he’d known, Egan probably would have called or texted her to rant. Especially since he’d agreed to do the unveiling of the memorial and would therefore be there.
Crud.
She was going to have to be the messenger again. First, the letter from Colleen, then the flyer and now this. Alana really wished the gossips would have done their usual jobs and gotten this out of the way. Since there was no easy way to do this, she just went with blurting it out.
“Tilly gave Colleen permission to come to Jack’s life celebration.” No croak this time. The words came out loud and clear.
Egan had just tossed handfuls of water on his face, but he stopped, turning his head to the side to look at her. The water dripped off him while he stared and stared and stared.
“What?” he demanded.
Alana didn’t think the question was because he hadn’t heard her. Nope, this was an anger reaction, and if anyone had a right to be pissed off about this, it was Egan.
“Colleen called Tilly, begged her to let her come and Tilly agreed,” Alana spelled out.
She thought of Tilly’s comment.It’ll be just like old times. So, maybe it hadn’t taken much begging on Colleen’s part.
“This might be some kind of fantasy deal for Tilly,” Alana reasoned. “You know, because when Jack was alive, you and Colleen were usually there at any get-together or celebration. Tilly might be trying to capture a bit of that.”
Egan stood fully upright, the water continuing its journey down his face. To his neck and to his chest. Alana tried not to watch that journey, especially since this was not a fun conversation.
“Capture the pastby inviting my ex-wife to a celebration that’s already going to be a gut-wrencher,” Egan stated, his voice flat. But that was the only place the flatness applied. The rest of him was, well, not exactly seething with anger, but it was close. “Well, shit.”
Alana thought that was the perfect sentiment. “If it’s any consolation, Colleen agreed to stay at the back of the crowd, and I can try to make sure she doesn’t try to have any contact with you.”
As expected, that didn’t console him one bit. The “contact” would happen simply by Egan catching a glimpse of her and knowing she was there.
“I’m sorry,” she felt compelled to tell him.
He opened his mouth as if he had plenty to say about that, plenty which would involve cursing, but just as fast, Egan seemed to change his mind, and he huffed. Then groaned.
“I just want to hear Colleen’s name and not feel a damn thing except maybe indifference.” Egan stopped again, and she saw something change in his eyes.
It seemed to be some kind of “lightbulb over the head” moment because the tension in his shoulders relaxed, and instead of another groan, his mouth moved into what was almost a smile. Alana wasn’t sure what he was feeling, but she hoped it wasn’t some kind of plot to try to get back at Colleen during the life celebration.
“Indifference,” he repeated, as if testing the word. “I’m getting damn close to that.”
Alana blinked and mentally replayed it. Then, she almost smiled, too. “How close?” she asked.
