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“What makes you think she might not be yours?” Hendrix had always thought he saw a strong resemblance between the two, but that could be the power of suggestion.
His question was met with another long silence. Stuart was obviously reluctant to be having this conversation. But now that something had happened to threaten Lynn’s happiness, he was jumping in.
“The way Jan was acting back then,” he said at last. “I had no idea what she was doing when I went to work. I was up and out of the house early, had to put in long hours, and she just...seemed to crumble into nothing after Ellen was born. She had no determination to be a functioning member of the family, no willpower, no direction. Nothing I did made her happy. I couldn’t get her to help me in any way. She wouldn’t even make dinner. I’d get home at night, completely exhausted, only to find Ellen sitting on our neighbor’s lap, both he and Jan high as kites.”
“Amaleneighbor...”
“Yes.”
“You believe he and Lynn were sleeping together?”
He made a clicking sound with his mouth. “She claims they weren’t. But...who knows? I couldn’t trust her.”
“Why didn’t you get a paternity test, for God’s sake?” Hendrix asked. “If Ellen isn’t yours—”
“I wouldn’t have owed any child support,” he broke in.
“Exactly.”
“She would’ve been worse off with that neighbor as a father than me, Hendrix, and I knew it. He was the biggest loser I’d ever met. So Iwantedto send her money, and I didn’t want Lynn to get upset about what it was costing us or try to stop me.”
“You wanted to pay child support for a daughter you didn’t even know was yours?”
“She could be. And I raised her as my own for ten years. If I was going to walk away, I wanted her to at least have some financial support.”
“But I remember a friend of yours—or a business associate—coming to the house when I was thirteen or fourteen who said Jan was telling everyone in Anaconda that you weren’t paying what you owed her.”
“She’d say whatever she could to shift the blame for her situation. She may have claimed that, but it was a lie to make herself look like the martyr. I sent my child support every month.”
“If Jan was doing drugs, was Ellen even the beneficiary of that money?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I had no control over what happened on that end. All I could do was fulfill my obligation and hope for the best. Jan wassodifficult. I figured my money had to buy them some food, at least.”
Hendrix wondered how Ellen would feel to learn this. Would it make the situation better—or worse? “I get what you were trying to do,” he said. “Sort of. But...don’t you want to know now whether Ellen is yours? For peace of mind if for no other reason?”
“No.”
His tone was unequivocal. “Why not?”
“If sheismine, I’ll only feel worse for not staying more involved in her life. And if she’s not mine, it’ll just make Lynn mad at me for not speaking up sooner. Fetterman Well Services had some lean years immediately after we married. There were months when we could barely make ends meet, and yet I sent that money to Jan. Considering how difficult that period was, I think it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie, don’t you?”
Hendrix wasn’t sure. The truth mattered, didn’t it?
He got up and began to pace in his living room. “I’m guessing she has no idea you have doubts.”
“I’ve never breathed a word of this to anyone else. But if her mother did cheat on me, maybe she’s mentioned the possibility that I’m not Ellen’s biological father either to her or someone who’s told her.”
“I doubt it. That’d be letting you off the hook. As bitter as I’ve heard Jan is, I don’t see her doing that. Besides, if Ellen didn’t believe you were her father, she wouldn’t be so determined to damage our business.”
“True. I guess that makes it unlikely. But Jan used to fill her head with all kinds of terrible things where I was concerned. I heard what she was saying from friends and clients who lived in Anaconda at the time. I couldn’t have a relationship with Ellen under those circumstances. It would keep Jan front and center in our lives, and she relished having that hold on me, really tried to take advantage of it. We just couldn’t live like that. Lynn was upset all the time. Dealing with Jan and Ellen almost ruined our marriage. I had to choose. I could keep Lynn, you and Leo from experiencing that toxicity, which meant letting go of Ellen. Or I could try to hang on to Ellen and possibly lose the rest of you. And even if I’d chosen Ellen, given Jan’s antics, she probably would’ve wound up hating me as much as she does now.”
There could be some truth to that. Lynn had always made Hendrix feel being loyal to her meant not associating with Ellen. Although it had never been expressly stated, not that he could remember, he’d always known better than to cross that line himself. It’d been a messy, emotionally charged situation on every side.
“I can tell you Lynn was right about one thing,” Stuart continued. “Ellen didn’t do herself any favors. She wasverydifficult at that age. We couldn’t deal with her. A weekend with us here and there wasn’t going to be enough to counteract the influence of her mother. She was always mouthing off, acting up, running away. We just had to...to put a stop to all the drama.”
Hendrix shook his head. His uncle seemed to believe his situation had been like the lifeboats on theTitanic. If he’d pulled Ellen aboard their boat, she would’ve brought Jan with her, and Jan would’ve caused them all to go under.
Those kinds of decisions weren’t easy. Hendrix was glad he’d never had to make one. He hoped, had he been in the same situation, he would’ve figured out a way to fulfill all his roles. But with Jan as part of the equation, was that even possible? “I see.”
