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“You have me, Lance,” she whispers the promise. “You always have me.”
Panic. I feel it like a weight within me, ready to pull me all the way down. “No matter what?” I ask, closing my eyes as I say it. Because I can’t take those words back, and it makes me a complete fucking bastard to ask it of her.
Her hand slides up my neck, forcing my head down to hers. She frowns back at me, sobering completely. My body grows rigid as I wait for the next words out of her mouth.
“Yes.” She swallows, cheeks reddening. “There’s not been a day, not one, that I’ve not thought about you. That I’ve not come home and broke a little inside because you’re not there to listen. To hold me.” Her eyes shine, her words getting tighter. “I missed you, Lance. I missed you so much.” She drops her forehead to mine, nodding. “No matter what.”
I shudder, pulling her impossibly closer to me as I wrap my arms around her.
“What happened to you, Lance?”
I don’t look at her.
I can’t bear to look at her.
Everything’s righting itself. Yet I’m torn between seeing Mason and Nina work their way home. Together. And the void of time that they lost apart.
At my hands.
No matter what my sister and Ben did, I was the one who didthis. It was on me that night, and it’s still on me now.
To tell the truth and lose everything.
The people I call family.
All over again.
“I fell in love with you.” My head drops to the pillow, my frown deep as I inhale her. All that she is. “I’m so fucking sorry for that.”
Scarlet
Mum,
It’s been weeks since I last wrote, and I guess it’s because I needed some time to gather my thoughts. They’ve been as scattered as ever. Kicked up and tossed around like the fallen leaves in the meadow.
I’m currently on my lunch break, but it’s four o’clock in the afternoon, and I’m long past hungry. I have something to tell you anyway… the reason for my wayward thoughts.
Lance told me he loved me.
It was weeks ago now, and although I wish I had a story to tell you of what happened next, one like yours, I don’t. We’ve seen each other once since. It was in passing, and there were no stolen kisses, barely even a glance with Mason there.
He’d been the man I remembered at Elliot’s birthday. The pain still lurked there, but everything about him was the Lance I knew. The Lance I told you I loved. And then we went back to his, and he said all the right things, apologised over and over, and wouldn’t touch me because we’d been drinking.
He told me he loved me the next morning and then apologised for that too, like his love was a bad thing.
If ever there was any doubt that men are complex creatures, let Lance Sullivan be written into the history books. The man puts me in a spin.
I’ll see him again soon. He’s coming to the estate with the guys to help finalise plans for the memorial ball. I’m excited. Excited to have something outside of the hospital and something that will honour you and Dad. The girls have been helping me. Nina’s been a godsend when I've needed her.
We’ve not told Mason about the ball. Nina’s still waiting to tell him, and she’s desperate to get it over with. I really don’t want him to be asked yet. One: I don’t think he’ll even show up. And two, I don’t want to give him the chance to disappoint me. Better to leave it to the week of. Blindside him and hope for the best.
I wish you were here. Or were able to tell me what to do. I know you’d make the ball perfect.
I miss Dad. He always knew what to say to make everything make sense.
Soon,
Scarlet.
