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The sound of my father’s name passing her lips after so much time is like a shot to the heart.
I’m an uncle?
“Again, I’m sorry I couldn’t get a hold of you, Scarlet. You know how it is.” She smiles, stepping toward Scarlet. “I noticed on the last payment, there was a little more than normal. I hope you don’t mind, but I popped into that little boutique that Waverley likes, the one on that side street, and picked out some new sandals.”
Scarlet closes her eyes briefly before opening them and taking the bag my mother holds out to her. “Thank you, Vanessa, that was really kind of you.”
“Of course. Is Waverley around?”
Heat fills my chest as I watch my mother look around me and up toward the house. I’ve never felt this woman’s love. My father loved me. My mother tried. But it was always a whisper of a promise that never came through.
Scarlet stares at my mother, unblinking. “She’s in the house.”
“Can I?” She points to the bag Scarlet’s now holding.
Scarlet hands it back to her. “Sure.”
Silence lingers with every step she takes away from us. Her words pass over and over in my mind, her lack of acknowledgement, the way she told me about Chloe and Nessa—their children.
It fucking hurts.
I lift my head up to look at Scarlet, Mason now standing by her side.
“What payments is she talking about?” I ask.
“Lance.” She sighs, taking a step toward me. “I wasn’t going to see her struggle. She’s your mum.”
I turn and make my way toward the fields, knowing if I stay and ask any more questions, I’ll struggle to keep my head. “I need a minute.”
Scarlet
I approach Lance from behind, his shoulders tense under his T-shirt as if he’s ready to square off against the world. “I didn’t like it at first either.”
His jaw clenches beneath his stubble. “So then why is she here?”
I look out at the meadow and sigh, knowing I need a second before I tell him what I need to. What I’ve buried deep within me for the last seven years. “When I first found out about Ave, I was terrified. I didn’t think I could do it without you, and I felt empty—completely empty and lost. But then she started to grow inside of me. Nina was here with Ellis a lot, and I felt like maybe it would be possible. I saw what she did effortlessly and thought that maybe I’d be able to do it, too. That I’d be an amazing mum,” I say with a sad chuckle. “When Ave came early, they took her straight from me, put her inside this tiny see-through box, and told me I couldn’t even touch her.” I shake my head, not able to look at Lance. “That fear of failing, of being alone in something I felt so unprepared for, it swallowed me whole.” I roll my lips, guilt burning my throat. “I kept telling myself that once Ave was back with me again, and I could hold her, once she could open her eyes and see me, I’d feel better.” I look up at him as a tear slides down my cheek. “I felt nothing, Lance. I was her mum, her guardian, and protector, and I felt nothing when they finally placed her in my arms.”
“Scarlet.”
I shake my head. “Everyone was walking on eggshells around me. They didn’t want to upset me, but I wasn’t me. I was lost, and I knew it. I knew I needed help but asking for it seemed like I was failing her. Failing you.” I don’t dare to look at him as my voice cracks. “I knew you’d be amazing if you could’ve been here. I just—” A knot forms in my throat, and I cover my mouth. “I just knew she needed you, and that you would make me better.”
He blows out a shaky breath, his eyes filled with tears.
“Nina slept in my bed for two months while I recovered. She forced me to hold Ave some days, on the darkest ones, and I hated her for it.” I wipe at my face and pull my shoulders back. “Without her I don’t know if I’d have ever got better. But I did. It took time.” I nod, feeling my throat closing up again. “And I’m sorry for that. I am. If I could have been what she needed sooner, I would have given it to her within a heartbeat.” My words strain barely audible. “I just didn’t know how.”
“It’s all my fault.”
“Ave deserved to be loved by everyone who wanted to love her,” I finally say. “We didn’t always get that for ourselves, Lance, but she can. There was no decision-making when I let your mother in. She loves her. It’s all that matters.”
“You gave her money?”
“Charlie said you’d stopped. When I found out she was struggling, I couldn’t not. It’s what I thought you’d have done.”
With something like gratitude in his eyes, Lance pulls me by the neck to him, tucking me under his chin. I smooth my hands up his back, relishing his warmth.
“I’m so sorry, Scarlet.”
With the lake spread wide below us, I snuggle deeper into his chest. “This isn’t something to be sorry for.” I tip my chin up to look at him, knowing there’s an apology he’ll never get that I can give him. “I’m sorry your mum hurt you.”
