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I know I’m frowning.
I know I should smile.
But as I sink to the ground on my good leg in front of her, I can’t help but stare.
She shuffles forward when Charlie steps away.
“Hi again.” She giggles and then shrugs. “You can call me Ave if you want to. Waverley is a mouthful.”
My heart feels like it’s too big. Too full. Too fast. “Would you mind if I called you Waverley?”
She turns and looks at where Scarlet watches us, then back at me again. “No one really calls me Waverley, so…”
“Okay.” I nod, scanning her face. Her eyes are big and greener than the picture showed, framed by long, dark lashes. She’s the split of Scarlet. “You’re very beautiful, Waverley.”
Her dark brows wiggle as she laughs. “You said you’d call me Ave.”
I focus on her words and not on her face, realising my mistake. “I’m sorry. I’m a little nervous.”
“I was nervous about meeting you, too. Mrs Penny taught me the five-finger thing.”
“What’s that?” I ask, wondering if she’s even real.
“Hold up five fingers.”
I do.
She reaches out, using her pointer finger to trace the outside of my thumb. I stare at her in awe, the feel of her soft skin grazing my rough. “Breathe in,” she tells me. I swallow and breathe in until she reaches the top of my thumbnail. “Then when I go back down here, you breathe it out.” She glides her finger down the skin between my thumb and pointer. “Then keep going. In.” She traces back up the next finger. “Out.” And down again.
She repeats it on the last two fingers then pulls her hand back slightly. “Better?”
A spark flares in my chest, a small part of me rousing awake, as if coming alive again. And she has no idea. “Much.”
She flattens her hand against mine carefully, spreading her fingers wide. “You have huge hands!”
I smile, shaking my head as I watch her. “Yeah.”
“Do you want to see your room? They told me you might be hurting and to take things slow, but—” she cuts herself off abruptly, as if remembering something. “Can I call you Dad? If—” She looks to Scarlet again, unsure. “If I let you call me Waverley, can I call you Dad?”
The spark in my chest explodes, burning through me until I feel it in the backs of my eyes. “Yeah—” I clear the rasp from my throat, my words coming out barely a whisper. I see Scarlet turn away out of the corner of my eye. “That would actually make me really happy.”
The nervous look on her face transforms, and she grins, glancing over at Charlie with pure confidence.
My heart sinks. I can’t help but wonder how long it will take for her to look at me that way. They’ve had her for seven years more than me. It’s hard not to question how I’ll ever live up to the mother Scarlet is. The man I know Charlie is.
I’ve missed too much.
Too much that I can’t get back.
“Ave, go and help your mum inside with the bags,” Charlie mutters.
“Okay!” Waverley rushes around the car, and I drop my head, letting my eyes fall closed.
I hear the car door open and close, the gravel crunching under his shoes. And then Charlie’s arms slip underneath mine, his body straining as he helps me to my feet.
I blink open my eyes, not bothering to wipe away the tear that’s fallen.
My friend’s face is a poignant mask of sorrow, his throat working on a swallow behind his top button. “It’s not about what you missed anymore, Sullivan. It’s about everything that follows.”
