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“She said she didn’t mind. I couldn’t be there alone with him today. It’s a lot.” I watch as Nina grimaces, noticing the office in the background behind her. “Are you at the Montwell?”
“Briefly,” she says, waving me off. “Mia was Lance’s doctor at the hospital, wasn’t she?”
“For a time. It depends who’s on shift.”
“It makes sense to send her. I get it,” Lucy tells me.
“She has work tonight.” I cringe. “I’m such a shit human being.”
“You’re not,” Nina argues, “but maybe you should figure out exactly what’s causing your ‘wobbles’ so that you can get back there this afternoon and relieve her.”
I look up through the café window, sighing deeply. “It’s so stupid.”
They both wait as I find my words.
“I can’t even look at him, girls,” I admit. “When we met that summer, I fell for the person he was. Yes, he was gorgeous. But the man inside that no one else seemed to know. The way he treated me. It was always more than just lust.” I roll my lips, knowing there’s no way they’ll have the answers I’m looking for. “I don’t know how to look at him and not remember it all. And the way he looks at me tells me he hasn’t forgotten a thing.”
“Does it make you mad?” Nina asks.
I shake my head. “Not that I remember everything from before, but I think I’m still holding on to the fact he cut me off. I don’t think I can just forget it.” I run my tongue over the front of my teeth. “Last night I went into his room and found Ave on the end of his bed. He’d come home a couple of hours before, and they hit it off straight away. Ave made it so easy for him. And it’s not that I want it to be hard, but…”
“It wasn’t quick for you. Or easy,” Nina mutters.
I shake my head. “And then I looked up at him, and the second our eyes locked, it was as if everything faded, and we were back to that summer seven years ago. Just like it used to be.”
“When I went to see him in the hospital, I was shocked at how emotional I felt just seeing his face again. I know I’m eight weeks postpartum, but I was a mess,” Lucy tells me. “I can’t imagine how it must feel after everything you’ve shared together.”
“It’s confusing. I look at him and get overwhelmed by all these feelings.”
“Can I tell you what I think?” Nina asks.
“Yes. But don’t make me cry.”
“I think he’s wearing one hell of a brave face right now. He’s hurting. We all know that, but Ave is Ave. She’s a chatterbox and the most loving of kids. I know they made it look easy, but I can guarantee you it’s not. And with regards to how it makes you feel seeing it happen so naturally, I think you need to tell him.”
“Tell him?” I frown.
“About Ave’s birth. Everything after.”
I’m shaking my head before she can finish.
“But do you not think some of the anger you’re feeling is down to the fact he never read your letters?” she cuts in. “He doesn’t know what you went through, and now he’s back and circumstance puts him right there with Ave. Under your roof. Personally, I think you have every right to tell him what you need to in order to move forward yourself.”
Lucy gazes guiltily into the phone. “You have to make this situation work for you, too.”
“I said I’d be here for you,” Nina continues. “I get why you’re doing this for him and think you’re incredible for it. But you can’t bottle up the emotions that come with him being back. You went through so much, Scar.”
She’s right. If I ignore the things that hurt me just to save him from his shadows, I’ll end up right back where I was. In my own darkness.
“I think having a conversation—about anything, could help break that barrier and make it clear to both of you what this is going to be going forward.”
“It can’t be anything,” I correct.
“You’re Ave’s parents. You’ll be something for the rest of your lives. I mean a friendship… maybe,” she adds. “When you’re ready, obviously.”
I sit for a minute contemplating that. Friends. A friendship with Lance.
“Can I ask you something?” Lucy pipes up.
