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She needed an answer. Soon. She’d thought she would have a couple of months to find her courage, but now that seemed like a stretch. Were the decisions being made for her? Were they out of her control? Had she already torn down the walls and left her heart unprotected?
All Noah needed to do was take it. It was right there waiting for him if he wanted it. If he wanted it—there was the rub. Just because he babysat, cooked breakfast, and made sweet love to her didn’t mean that the heart exchange was a two-way street. Just because she might be ready to plant permanent roots in his kitchen and his bedroom didn’t mean he wasn’t ready with a hoe to weed her out.
Oh, she was afraid. What should she do about her feelings for Noah? And what in the world was she going to do about AJ?
Hurrying back inside, she located her phone and called her mother.
Genevieve didn’t answer. She’d had a late night with The Emily gala. Though ordinarily an early riser, she might still be asleep. Or out on her walk. Who knows—maybe she had scheduled a mountaintop sunrise yoga class, and now shewas well into her day? She could be on her way for a day of shopping in Eternity Springs.
So, Willow sent a text:MOM, I NEED YOU.
Genevieve Prentice had changed over the past year and a half. She didn’t automatically drop everything and rush to her children’s aid like in days past. But Willow had used all caps.
Her mother would call.
Chapter Sixteen
AS NOAH WATCHED AJ’Snew game of picking wildflowers and tossing them into the wagon, a sense of certainty washed through him. If he wasn’t extra careful here, he would make a huge mistake. He never should have invited Willow and her crew into his Hideaway.
He scooped up a handful of stones and threw them down toward the creek, one by one. AJ wasn’t even her kid, and he’d stolen a little piece of Noah’s heart. Drew had owned a chunk of it since February. And Emma? All it took was one soulful gaze from those big green eyes of hers, and Noah had been a goner. He hadn’t realized it, of course, because said heart had been encased in ice at the time.
The ice was a necessity in the aftermath of the fire that had crushed him. Crushed his leg, his heart, his soul. But then, he’d met the Eldridges, and they’d cracked the ice.
It would be so incredibly easy to surrender to his need to love Willow and make a family with her and her children. He could stay here in Lake in the Clouds, work for Gage in the morning, and come home to Willow in the afternoon.
He could tell her he was all in.
But that would be a lie. He’d never fixed what was broken inside him, and until he did that there was no all in. Not for Willow, and not for himself.
He couldn’t ignore the truth any longer—he’d been living only half a life. And Willow and her children deserved a whole life.
Hell, he deserved it, too.
Noah needed to climb back on the damned horse. Physically, his body was ready. Mentally? The time had come to face his demons and conquer them.
He needed to go back on the job. He needed todothe job. He needed to face his fears and fight a fire. If he didn’t do this, he’d always doubt himself. If Noah didn’t defeat his demons, he’d never be able to promise those precious children with confidence and authority that he could—hewould—protect them.
He had to leave Willow to be worthy of Willow. Wasn’t that a kick in the junk?
If—and it was a big if—Willow was even willing to go along with the plan. She may want nothing to do with a man who fought fires for a living. He couldn’t blame her. After all, her precious children had already lost one father. Why risk putting them through that tragedy a second time? Sure, life wasn’t guaranteed. A man could get run over by a car or an aggressive elk in his own mountain meadow, but firefighting was inherently a risky occupation.
When he told Willow he intended to return to Denver and his job until he felt whole again, she might tell him to take a permanent hike. Who knows how long the process might take? And it sure as hell wouldn’t be fair to ask her to pick up and move her family to Denver after she’d put so much effort into making a life for herself and her children here.
But if she was willing to wait for him, maybe someday he could return to Lake in the Clouds, marry Willow, and be a father to her children. Maybe have another kid or two. They could start a new life together. Maybe change the name of the cabin from the Hideaway to something forward-looking. Something bold and bright and full of life.
“Getting ahead of yourself, Tannehill,” he muttered. Way the hell ahead.
First, he needed to talk to her. She’d said she was a big believer in communication. She wanted him to be truthful about his thoughts. He needed to tell her exactly what was in his heart.
He should begin with those three particular words.I love you.
It was a risk. Willow could hand his heart right back to him. But hell, if he was ready to face a wall of flames, shouldn’t he be prepared for this?
Noah sighed and scooped up one of the puppies who’d come within reach. Thor. Cute little guy. He’d miss Thor and Anna when he left, but at least he’d have Marigold. The apartment he’d never gotten around to moving out of in Denver allowed one dog per renter.
So, was he doing this? Was he going to leave his sanctuary? His hideaway? Was he ready? Which was riskier to his psyche—staying here or going home?
Was Denver still home?
