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My eyes were heavy, puffy from crying last night. I hated that I’d given into the swell of emotions that I’d fought off throughout the meeting with the elders, but it’d been a cleansing cry. One that helped bleed out my vulnerability and replace it with enough strength to get out of bed this morning.
Each of my men had gathered around me when the tears fell, and they stayed with me throughout the night. Every time I roused, one of them was right there by my side, holding me and soothing me back to sleep, letting me know I wasn’t alone.
Even now, I resettled into a hard chest, the scent of forest and spice as comforting as it was arousing.
Axel’s arm tightened around my waist as he sensed I was awake.
“Good morning,” I murmured quietly, my lips brushing against his skin.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Axel’s voice was rough from lack of use, and I found I liked the timbre of it when he first woke up in the morning. This was only the second time we’d spent the night together, an occurrence I hoped would be repeated over and over again in the future. “How are you feeling?”
I hummed again and forced myself to crack an eye open. “Let’s just say I hope I look better than I feel.”
“You’re always beautiful.” Axel grinned, the smile blinding and full of vim. How did he wake up so energetic and ready for the day? I’d have guessed he’d snuck downstairs and grabbed a cup of coffee before crawling back into bed, but I didn’t catch even a whiff of the caffeine I craved in his scent.
“And you, sir, are flattering me,” I teased, my fingers mindlessly playing over the lines of his pecs. His chest rumbled with each small stroke, and a satisfied sigh left my lips. “My eyes feel all gritty and puffy,” I admitted with a barely contained wince. “I hate that I broke apart last night.”
“Hey.” Axel reached down and lifted my chin until I was staring into his warm brown eyes. “None of that. Crying isn’t a weakness. It simply means you need a break from being the strong woman you are every day. I’m amazed it took this long.” Axel shrugged a shoulder with a crooked smile tugging up one side of his lips.
My hand cupped his jaw, and I stretched up to brush my mouth over his. “That might be the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“Damn, now I have to one up myself.” His smile widened. “I’ll keep working on my sweet nothings,” he teased, and I almost snorted a laugh. “Seriously though, I’m only speaking the truth. What you learned last night was some tough shit. I’m… fuck… I’m sorry you had to find out that way.”
Axel rolled to his back and shoved a hand into his dark, messy morning hair, regret etched into the slant of his eyebrows and the lines that appeared on his forehead.
I followed him, scooting closer and resting my arm on his stomach, propping my head on my forearm.
“It wasn’t easy, but I’m glad I know.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Axel genuinely offered, wanting to ease the burden I carried.
I debated his question. Did I? “Honestly, I think it’s still too raw. I need time to process it. I’m just glad you were all here for me last night. I don’t think I could have handled it as well on my own,” I confessed.
“I get that. Kota and I were a mess when we joined the pack, but having friends who are always there for you, like brothers, made all the difference in helping us manage our grief and find a way to pick ourselves back up.”
“When you lost your brother?” I asked quietly, so quietly it was possible he could have missed it, even with his shifter hearing.
His body tensed and then relaxed again beneath me, and he blew out a long breath.
“Yeah,” he replied, that one word holding more meaning behind its single syllable than I could describe. Like a thimble that somehow held an ocean inside of it.
“I’m so sorry, Axel.” And I was. My heart broke for the pain he must have gone through. If there was any consolation for what I’d learned last night about my role in my mother’s death, it was that I hadn’t known her. Not really. I was a baby, and thus my memories of her existed only in my subconscious, those few brief moments I’d been lucky enough to witness last night. But it wasn’t the same as losing someone you’d met. Someone you were close with, shared a life, a childhood, with.
“What happened?” I pressed gently, ensuring the bond between us expressed he didn’t have to tell me if he wasn’t ready.
Axel swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I was supposed to pick Enoli up from karate practice. He’d begged my mother for months to be able to go. She didn’t mind the sport, but she was always teasing us that she didn’t need to give us any lessons on roughhousing with each other.” Axel’s small laugh was a rotten log in the forest, hollow and empty on the inside. “When she finally agreed, Oli—that was his nickname—God, you should have seen how fucking happy he was. He was really good too. He took it seriously.” Axel sniffed, closed his eyes for a moment, and then refocused on the ceiling and the sway of shadows across the white paint from branches and leaves backlit by the sunlight outside the window.
My hand rubbed gently over his side, letting him know he wasn’t alone.
I pushed all my love down our connection.
“I was supposed to pick him up the day he died, but I’d made plans with some of my friends from school, and I begged Kota to go in my place. He grumbled about it, but he eventually agreed.”
My heart squeezed in my chest, knowing that Kota shouldered all the blame for whatever came next.
“Kota was running late. Traffic and shit. Enoli was supposed to wait inside for us. He knew that. He was the son of a shadow touched. My dad passed away when we were kids, but those lessons he taught us had always stayed with us, not like my mother would ever let us forget them. Always keep your wits about you. Never stray anywhere alone. Always stay in packs. We knew there were targets on our heads just for being born with the bloodline. We were under no illusions, but it wasn’t enough. We’d gotten lax over the years. The danger always felt so fucking far from us. Removed.”
Axel’s voice turned strained, emotion clogging his throat. He cleared it and took a shallow breath.
