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My gaze runs over the four story townhouse that houses the office of the therapist I have an appointment with in five minutes. As soon as I left Cooper’s, I called them. They had an appointment this afternoon after a cancellation, and I accepted it without question.
My focus shifts to the time on the dash of the car, and I watch as another minute ticks by. I have to force myself to open the car door and climb out. The reluctance that I’m pushing against is borne from a need of self-preservation. I know what’s to come is going to be ugly.
I need to do this so I can be the man Alex deserves. Iwantto be a better man for her.
Moving at a slow pace, as if I’m trying to move through quick sand, I walk to the door and press the buzzer for the office of Dr. Hunt.
It feels like hours before anything happens. The door buzzes back to let me know it’s unlocked and I push through, closing the door behind me. A sign on the wall tells me the office I’m looking for is on the third floor. I climb the stairs and walk into a room just off to the right. A middle aged woman sits behind a desk in what I assume is the waiting area.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Worthington. Please take a seat, Dr. Hunt will be with you shortly.”
Doing as directed, I take a seat on the gray couch opposite the reception desk, scrolling through my work emails as I wait.
I’m not waiting long before a woman who must be around my age walks out of another door with a man following behind her. They talk before he walks off and she brings her attention to me.
“Mr. Worthington, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Dr. Hunt, do you want to come through?” She steps to the side, sweeping her arm to the room behind her.
As I enter the room, I look around, noticing how bright and welcoming it is. There’s another gray couch sitting along one wall, with two armchairs facing it and a coffee table in the middle. Bay windows on three walls allow the light to fill the room and a desk sits in front of one, sunlight streaming in across the light oak.
Dr. Hunt is still standing behind me as I come to a stop in the middle of the room. Her voice is soft, as if she’s worried that I might bolt, when she says, “Do you want to take a seat?”
“Uh, sure.” I move to one of the arm chairs.
I expect her to maybe make a comment about me being the patient and how I should lie back on the couch. Instead she gives me a soft smile, picks up a pen and paper and takes the empty armchair.
“Do you mind if I call you Sebastian?”
“Not at all.” I lift my foot and rest my ankle over my knee as I relax back into the chair.
Another soft smile. “Great. So, what brings you to see me today?”
Isn’t that the billion dollar question.
“I was referred by a friend. He said it could help me to talk to somebody about the…” I pause, trying to think of the right words. “I guess my feelings of inadequacy. I met the most amazing woman and…” My words trail off.
Dr. Hunt jots down some notes as I speak, before asking, “What has made you feel inadequate?”
“How long have you got?” I chuckle.
The corners of her mouth lift. There’s a look of sympathy on her face when she speaks. “Why don’t you start with the woman you met?”
My chest swells and a smile I can’t contain spreads across my mouth at just the thought of her. “Alex came into my life like a freight train. Everything I’ve ever thought I wanted, she turned on its head. We actually met nearly three years ago, and I knew the moment she walked into my office that I was going to have her. I thought it would just be sex, because that’s all I’ve ever done, but she made me want more.”
The smile that was on my face falls as it dawns on me how monumentally I fucked up. I mean, I knew when I pushed her away after George told me about my parents. Just speaking about her has the knowledge of my actions pressing on me like a weight.
I sit forward and drop my head into my hands as I tug on the strands of my hair. Dr. Hunt doesn’t say a word and I’m grateful she’s giving me time to process. It’s like everything has hit me all at once. Like it’s gone from black and white to full on technicolor.
I need to figure out how to get Alex back.
Right now, I don’t know how I’m going to do it, or if she’ll ever forgive me, but I have to try. God, deep down I’ve known I felt more for her than I ever have with anyone else. That first night, when she barreled into my office, I knew it was something more than fucking. All of my actions the past few months should have shown me that I can love.That I love her.
I finish up my session with Dr. Hunt and make an appointment for the following day. On the car ride home, I play with Alex’s ring, the one she left on my desk that now sits on a chain around my neck. Where it will stay until I put it back on her finger.
I just need to bide my time, work on myself, and then maybe I can get her back.
THIRTY-SIX
