AllFreeNovel
Share Us
No. I don’t want him to hold me.
Yes, you do.
No. No. No. God, I’m so mad at myself right now. Why can’t I comprehend that he’s not going toevergive me what I want? I need to get a grip.
“I wanted to make sure you got home okay, but I also want to talk to you about everything that’s happened.”
I round on him, my anger mounting at how cool and calm he can be. “And what ifIdon’t want totalk?”
He looks defeated, and it deflates my anger slightly. I look at him, truly look at him. For the first time since I saw him in the restaurant, I see how tired he looks and how pale his skin is.
“Then I’ll leave.” He heaves out a sigh as he pushes away from the door jamb. “When you’re ready, you know where to find me.”
With a final look at me, he leaves the bathroom, and it’s like my heart is being ripped out all over again. I can’t keep feeling like this every time I see him.
If anything, we should talk so I can move on. A lump forms in my throat and I fight back the tears that blur my vision.
I amble my way to the door and call after him as his hand lands on the door knob. Even from here, I can see the spark of hope that ignites within him when he turns to face me.
“Let’s talk.” I swallow down the bile that rises as I say, “Then we can both get closure.”
Moving back to my bedroom, I grab my robe from where I threw it over the end of my bed before I left earlier. With a final reassuring breath, I walk out to meet him.
Sebastian stands in the hallway, his hands in his jeans pockets, looking unsure of himself. He’s nothing like the self assured man I’ve come to know these last few years.
But I didn’t know him, not really.
I blink away the thought as I walk past him and into the kitchen to pour two glasses of wine. When I return, he’s standing in the same position.
As I hand him a glass, I say, “You want to stand here and talk, or get comfy on the couch?”
“Couch.” He clears his throat before continuing, “Let’s get comfy on the couch.”
He trails behind me as I take a seat on the couch. Silence surrounds us, the murmur of the heater the only sound.
“I wanted to say sorry.” Without taking a sip, he puts his glass on the coffee table and turns to face me. “For so many things, but I’ll start with pulling you into my lies with George. It turns out he isn’t my dad like I thought, but my uncle.”
My brow tugs into a frown as I take a sip of my drink.
His mouth quirks into a smirk, making his dimple pop. “It’s a long story. But I had an agenda when it came to getting Sanctuary and I shouldn't have pulled you into it. Even though, in the long run, I’m glad I did. I hate to think what I would have missed out on experiencing with you if you’d outed me to George that first day.
“You know, that day I gave you the ring, I tried to convince myself it didn’t mean anything. That it was just part of the plan.” He looks away, shaking his head, “God, Alex, I loved seeing my ring on your finger. Knowing that it meant you weremine. I was like a fucking cave man when it came to you and that ring.”
I can’t help the smile that forms on my lips at the memories of him always checking if I was wearing it and what would happen if I wasn’t. The smile is wiped from my mouth at the last memory I have of that ring, when I told him I loved him and he threw it back in my face.
When my whole fucking world crashed and burned around me.
Sebastian picks up my left hand and rubs his thumb over the bare skin on my ring finger. His skin tone pale, in comparison to my golden tone as he embraces my hand. Half of me wants to rip it away and tell him he doesn’t get to touch me anymore. But the other half, the one that seems to be in control, is luxuriating in the feel of his skin on mine.
His voice sounds wistful as he says, “I hope one day you’ll wear my ring again, but for now, I’d settle for us getting to know each other again. I know I fucked up, but I want to make it up to you because in the time I’ve been away from you, I’ve learned that I deserve to be loved. That I just might deserve your love if I work hard enough to earn it back.”
I pull my hand from his and stand from my seat, walking to the window that looks over Lower Manhattan.
My back is to him as I wrap my arms around my waist. “What if that’s not what I want?”
I don’t know if I want everything or nothing with him. His words don’t undo everything he’s already said and done but despite all of his flaws, I still love him. I’m conflicted.
He doesn’t say anything for the longest time, but I can hear him behind as he stands. I imagine him tugging on the strands of his hair as he tries to comprehend what I've said. I wish I’d turned on the living room light so I could see him in the reflection of the window.
