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The corner of his mouth lifts as he moves the rope, dipping his head to me as he says, “See if you can cheer him up.”
“I’ll try.”
Whatever it is that made him walk out on me, it’s still affecting him.
I make my way through the Friday night crowd as I walk to his office. A remixed version ofBad Memoriesby MEDUZA blasts through the speakers and I wonder if it’s an omen for how my night is going to go.
Standing outside of Sebastian’s office door, I briefly consider barging in before remembering the time I did that, and found him with another woman. I have no desire to repeat that. Not now when my heart is on the line.
I rap my knuckles against the dark wood of his door and pray that he’s alone. That everything we’ve been through together meanssomethingto him.
“Come in,” his gruff voice calls through the door.
My hand finds the doorknob and I suck in a breath, exhaling it slowly as I turn the handle and push through the door. He sits behind his desk, his reading glasses perched on his nose, and thankfully alone. His face doesn’t register any surprise as he looks up at me. It’s almost like he’s been expecting me.
“What do you want, Alex?”
Not queen or princess. Just Alex.
I feel needy as I take him in, sitting behind his desk. I want nothing more than to climb into his lap and just breathe in his scent. Instead, I close the door and move to stand awkwardly in front of his desk.
“I came to see you and find out what’s going on. It’s been nearly a week since I last saw you. What happened with you and George?”
“He signed over the club,” Sebastian says, matter of factly. His gaze drops back to the screen of his laptop.
Nausea bubbles in the pit of my stomach. His whole demeanor is dismissive, as if I’ve served my purpose and he wants me gone. I know right then that the Bastian who looked after me for all those weeks is gone. And I don’t know if it’s for good or just for now.
I close my eyes. I thought I knew what would come after, that all of the intimacy we’ve shared would lead to more, or at the very least continue. He said it would. But as I stand in front of him now, I know the answer to the question that falls from my lips. “So, where do we go from here?”
A heavy sigh leaves him as he takes off his glasses and leans back in his chair. His eyes meet mine, but unlike any previous time that he’s looked at me, I see nothing reflected in his gaze. There’s no care, adoration, or even desire. We’ve always had the heat, even when we hated each other. We always had that. A chill runs down my spine as he looks right through me.
“Listen, Alex,” he starts, but I hold up my hand, cutting him off.
The first crack appears in my heart but I hold my chin high, refusing to let him see me break. I can’t hear him say it. I refuse to.
“Don’t you dare tell me that we should go our separate ways. After everything we’ve been through the last two months, you can’t seriously be ready to walk away? I know I’m not.” There’s a note of desperation in my tone that I wish wasn’t there.
He ignores my declaration, and I think that’s what hurts the most. That he can dismiss my feelings so easily.
His thumb and forefinger pinch at the bridge of his nose, as if I’m testing his last nerve, before he says, “I’ve been nothing but honest with you, Alex. I got the club so our arrangement is over and you can walk away, like we agreed.”
He stands from his desk, moving to the door. My eyes fall to the engagement ring on my finger. It’s a symbol of the lies we’ve told and the love that I allowed to grow. Mocking me as it sparkles up at me. I don’t understand how he can act like we were nothing. LikeImeantnothingto him.
“Does how I feel mean nothing? Are you really that cold-hearted that you can just walk away, after everything? This isn’t you. It’s not the Sebastian I fell in love with.”
“You don’t know me, Alex.” He holds his arms wide, his anger mounting but I’m not afraid. “This. This is the real me.”
“No, it isn’t.”
A look I’ve never seen before fills his gaze. “It is. I was using you. It could have been any woman, it just so happened to be you.”
I reel back, his words like a slap to the face. Shaking my head, I whisper, “You don’t mean that.” My eyes burn with unshed tears.
It’s like he’s coated everything we had in darkness, a poison seeping through into it. Ruining the happiness we had built. He’s broken it and it won’t ever be fixed.
“I do. You don’t love me, Alex. You’re in love with the idea of being loved, nothing more.” He sounds frustrated, like how I feel is of no consequence for him. That my love is absurd to him.
Maybe we were never on the same wavelength with our feelings. Maybe the care he showed for me was all some sort of sick performance? Was all of this just a game to him? I don’t know what was real and what was part of his master plan. It’s like I never even knew him.
