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She doesn’t wait for me to respond, instead she turns on her heel and walks away.
I move toward the table, snatching up the items before leaving without so much as a goodbye to anyone. Determination guiding me as I race home.
Christ, I hope she’s there.
FORTY-ONE
Savannah
Irush through the apartment door, throwing my clutch on the floor as I kick off my heels. Tears fill my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. Noah might not realize it, but he’s made his choice and I want to hate him for it but I can’t.
I’ll always love him because I always have. After everything we’ve been through and the hurtful words we’ve said to each other, it never faded or went away. All I can hope for now is that over time it’ll get easier to not feel like he consumes me.
Moving into the living room, I pace in front of the windows. Panic settles in, taking root inside of me as it demands control. My body feels like it’s on fire and the dress that once felt loose and airy, now feels tight and restrictive.
I had so much hope at the start of the day. Hope that he’d tell me he loved me enough to tell Jack.
Sucking in deep breaths, I pull back my shoulders refusing to give in. What I need is a plan. Something to tick off as I go through the motions of sorting out the end of a relationship that never really was.
First and foremost, I need to get out of this dress and take a shower. Maybe then I’ll be able to think clearly. I know for certain that I can’t stay here tonight. Maybe Jack’s place is finished and I can stay there. If not, I’ll check in to a hotel and then tomorrow, I’ll set him free.
Free of the choice he thinks he has to make. In reality, he could have had it all but I don’t think he’ll ever see that. Jack would’ve understood. He wouldn't have stood in the way of us. But I’m not going to force Noah’s hand by going behind his back and telling Jack myself.
On autopilot, I move through the apartment and shower in the bathroom I used before I moved into his room. I’m disconnected and the actions of showering and getting changed pass by in a blur.
I’m looking out of the window, committing the view to memory one last time when Noah walks through the door, his bow tie hanging loosely around his neck. The sight of him nearly brings me to my knees. He looks just as broken as I feel.
I follow his eyes to the bags by the front door. Rupert must have brought them up while we were at the ceremony. I hadn’t even noticed them.
Wide eyes come to me, panic filling them as he races across the room. Dropping to his knees in front of me, Noah grabs onto my hips as he buries his face in my chest.
“Please don’t leave me, angel.”
I swallow around the lump in my throat, my chest aching for him even as my mind screams at me to step away. Instinctively, my fingers dive into his hair as I rest my other hand on his shoulders. My fingers flex over the material of his tuxedo jacket.
One last touch and I will.
My voice sounds foreign to my own ears, like all the longing and pain of the last thirteen years is threatening to choke me. “Noah.”
I release him, taking a step back, hoping the space will make my jumbled thoughts clearer. He stands and suddenly the man who was so sure and strong, looks lost and hurt. I thought I’d have more time to prepare my heart.
My throat hurts, every word painful as I push it past my lips. “I’m done with not being enough for you to break a promise you made thirteen years ago, Noah. I’m setting you free and taking back my heart. Honestly, I thought we would be in a better place, but today showed me how much of a hold Jack has over you.
“And what gets me the most is that he doesn’t even know it. I refuse to let my love for you make me miserable because we have to remain behind closed doors. What we have, sorry, had, was beautiful and deserved to be seen in the daylight not locked away in the darkness. Love shouldn't be treated like it’s something shameful. It should be embraced and put on a pedestal for the world to see.”
A single tear rolls down my cheek, but I dash it away, sucking in a breath as I step toward him. He needs to see how much I mean my next words because once I say them, I won’t say them again. Not to him. Not for anyone.
Perhaps it’s selfish of me, but I can’t help dusting my lips over his one last time. I pull back. I need to get this off my chest. Searching his face, I say, “I love you, Noah. You’ll always be the greatest love of my life, but this has to be goodbye. We can call this a blip, a mistake, a glitch, whatever you want. Just know that I won’t tell Jack, and your secret is safe with me.”
Noah reels back as if I’ve hit him. Turning away from me, he runs his fingers through his hair, tugging on the strands. When he turns back to me, his voice is tortured as he demands, “Say it again.”
My brows tug together, confused at why he’d want me to relive my heartbreak again. Lifting my chin, I look him in the eyes as I whisper, “This is goodbye, Noah.”
He exhales a huff of a laugh as he smiles at me. “Angel, don’t fucking test me. Say. It. Again.”
“I’m not in the mood for your games. This is hard enough as it is.”
“Angel.” It’s a warning but I don’t understand what for. He isn’t a vindictive person, so why would he—Everything clicks into place and hope crashes into me.
