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And I know, if I turn to face him, he’ll be giving me that crooked smile. The one that always melts my icy heart. I can’t look.
“So the silent treatment, then?” Scotty asks.
I don’t turn his way, just continue to search the drawers for a lid to my travel mug. Finding one that fits, I slam the drawer closed and grab my purse from the counter. He follows me through the side door that leads to my front yard.
“Saoirse. You need to eat,” Scotty says, stomping behind me.
My cheeks heat. He doesn’t get to walk in here and demand I eat after months of being away. He doesn’t get to pretend everything is fine between us, when it’s further from the truth. I climb into the back seat of the car and wait patiently for him to drive me to the hotel.
Except he doesn’t do that. Instead, he opens the back seat, and dips his head inside. I stare straight ahead. I’d rather fucking die than look at him. The second I do, I won’t be able to focus on anything but his sweet face. The face that helped me through college. Through heartaches from stupid boys and the betrayal of jealous girls.
He’s the only true friend I’ve had, and he can’t even tell me why he stopped being there for me. In all honesty, this anger, this hatred I feel for him? It’s not rage at all. It’s a heavy sadness that I don’t want to feel. It’s the loneliness in my soul that makes my chest ache. He is the cause of all of it.
And there’s no excuse for what he’s doing, now. There’s nothing he can say or do that can take away the pain he puts me through.
“Okay, Saoirse. You want to ignore me? Fine. But you’re going to fucking eat three meals a god damn day. So if you don’t get out of this car and make breakfast, I will be stopping and getting you something. And if I have to pin you down and shove it in your stubborn fucking mouth, I will.”
He slams the door with force, his pissed off voice still ringing in my ears. Gone is the soft Scotty, and here is the hardened man that takes his place whenever I’m being difficult. The one that kind of scares me into a submission no one has ever been able to obtain from me.
Scotty climbs into the driver seat and starts the engine. He glances at me through the rearview mirror, and I shoot him a middle finger. That’s the most he’ll get from me. Especially right now, when my eyes burn with the threatening release of tears ready to spill out.
I close them with a hard force, trying to will away all of this. It’s a mixture of anger and sadness, but it’s also the relief of familiarity. The routine I once had for five years, back, even if a bit forced and tense.
Turning my head to glare out the window, I open my eyes and exhale a breath that forces out the rage building up inside of me. And I give myself one last raw action before I allow him to chip away at the block of ice that is my heart.
“I hate you,” I whisper.
“I know, princess.”
Chapter Nine
Hugh’sphonegoesstraightto voicemail yet again. I’m going to fucking kill him when I find him. Strangle him with my bare fucking hands. He better have a good excuse for not showing up this morning to take her to work.
Now, I’m here, making sure she’s safe instead of helping Declan torture answers from our surviving visitor last night. And something in the back of my mind thinks Hugh is involved, even if he convinced Sean he’s not.
I’ve been avoiding her since I told her I wouldn’t be protecting her anymore. That was months ago, and now here I am, stuck taking her to work while Hugh does his disappearing act. Though, after last night, maybe I don’t want him here. Maybe I need to just suck up my feelings and do the job. Protect her since no one else seems to be able to.
Saoirse sits behind a desk, her fingers rubbing either side of her temples while she stares at a document on the tabletop. Elbows resting at the edge, I can see the stress in the lines around her eyes, and the way her lips are pursed into a worried scowl.
Her face is pale, even for her, and it makes me uneasy. We shared a moment last night, when her mask slipped, and she allowed me to hold her. But now she’s back to the icy hatred she has for me.
Shoving through the glass door, I step inside of her office. Saoirse’s head shoots up, her eyes narrowing in on the brown bag I’m carrying. Her stomach rumbles, and I know she hasn’t eaten in a while. If I had to guess, aside from dinner last night, she probably hasn’t had a solid meal since the evening before. And knowing her, she probably only took a few bites of both dinners.
She’s lost weight. Too much weight. I’d noticed it in her face at first, but last night, I’d gotten a glimpse of her rib bones. I couldn’t focus on it then. Now I can.
That’s going to fucking stop now that I’m back. I step forward, dropping the bag onto her desk. Unbuttoning my suit jacket, I sit across from her, and slowly unwrap the top. She recognizes immediately where it’s from.
Her eyes widen, and she inhales through her nose to take in the scent. I don’t miss the way her nostrils flare, or the way color comes back to her face. Still on the silent treatment, she doesn’t speak. Saoirse just glares at me, while I pull out two take-out containers.
One is marked with a black sharpie, the letterVfor vegan.
We found Fiore’s together years ago, when I first learned she was skipping breakfast before her classes. The vegan bakery had some meat options, so it was easy to sneak in there, feigning hunger, and order myself something.
Saoirse fights with herself, but eventually takes the bagel from me. She sets it in front of her, her gaze on me while I open my bacon, egg, and cheese on a jalapeño bagel. We each get a small coffee and home fries to complete the meal, and I know I’ll be lucky if she eats half the sandwich and takes a few bites of potatoes.
I pull plastic forks from the bag, doing my best not to look her way. Digging out the leafy greens from my container, I reach across and take hers. She still hasn’t opened it, but I know she’s watching me.
Once I’ve given her my rabbit food and taken most of her home fries, I set the container back in front of her. I grab half of my bagel, and lean back in the arm chair. Saoirse’s eyes are squinted, malice clear in the green fire swirling through them.
